Stuck.

Today I am feeling very humbled.

I recently stumbled across this blog. Reading the posts of this mom, photographer,widow blogger. I have really been put into place today. She writes with such truth and passion. She doesnt try to mask how she is feeling or make herself appear more together or better than she is. Right now she is completely heartbroken and she is writing that. I am slightly obsessed with her blog right now, not to mention her candid photography.

I talked to my mom today... she has been dying to go to North Carolina to visit my brother and sister-in-law but more importantly my niece, Peyton who is growing up far to fast and to far away! I know that it is extremely hard to sit around the house and do somewhat meaningless tasks when you feel like there is a time urgency on your quality of life. Mom fearing that she cannot make the trip to North Carolina alone has asked if I would be able to go with her, to which I replied.. ABSOLUTELY YES! Turns out she wants to (or my brother is asking for her to) stay for 2 weeks....2 WEEKS. There is nothing I would love to do more than just take off and go spend some quality time with mi madre and brother's family for two weeks. I am desperately wanting to take some new pics of Peyton, but it seems a little impractical for me right now and that is completely frustrating! I can't go for 2 weeks without pay... I have rent and bills to deal with... sucks!

I really feel like I took a little of the wind power out of her sails today when I didn't react like she probably wanted me too. I am feeling very helpless and so far away from her right now. And after reading Valerie's blog I am more wanting to get up and go and spend ALL the time in the world with my mom... making everyday special! But I am stuck here... having to work to pay for my living... I miss the days of being in school living in my mom's back house working a part time job with hardly any cares in the world. I miss our nights together eating Jason's Deli salad bars and watching TV. I miss riding around in her convertible going for desert at Olive Garden and getting manicures.

So badly I want to have her with me so I can take care of all this mess for her and tell her everyday to her face how much I LOVE HER!

I am really praying for God to answer my prayers today that could offer some ease to the distance and financial hardships and to take away my anxiety.

This is in his hands... I have NO control. I must remember that!