Broken

Today it hit me like a ton of bricks.... I was driving with my iphone on shuffle... on came La Vie En Rose performed by 101 Strings...

I started sobbing driving down Western... It was raw...

I force myself to not think about  you not being here... if I do, If I allow myself to breakdown to the full reality that you are not at home sitting in your chair listening  to Fox News, having Nana bring you breakfast, If I allow myself to fully think about it...

I cant breathe, I cant move, I cant open my eyes to the world without you, I cant function...most days it works for me to not think...

to talk to you as I always would but today...today I couldnt... today my walls were broken down with the music... I was late coming back to work but I didnt care.... I needed to fully embrace the moment... the emotions... the loss.

There are so many things I want to tell you... I want to ask... but I would settle even for being in your presence...

Do you know how wrong this place feels without you?   How empty... How lost?

I am so thankful for the time, the love, the sharing we had. There is never a day that I doubt our relationship and our bond... and I know you knew how much I love and adore you... how you were the man in my life.

Somedays it would be so much easier to be up there with you than down here in this mess...but I know you are watching over me, over Nana, over all of us.

That doesn't change the fact that I miss you more than I can bear...

Today my heart is broken, I can't catch my breathe. I miss you more and more. I need you more and more.

Never Forget!