3.24.2011

dreams

Last night I had the worst dream I have ever dreamt!

I dream alot! and have started talking in my sleep so there is always alot happening in my mind when I am sleeping but last night was horrible.

Let me preface by saying that the night before I dreamed I was on a missionary field in Iraq (YEAH RIGHT!) and was sleeping in a bag in a movie theatre chair with about 12 other people in an open field, i felt something crawling in my hair and their were little hard bugs coming from a wound on the top of my head. GROSS! I woke up feeling my hair to see get them off!

I usually have dreams, well I guess they are nightmares, involving Snakes! Not just any snakes but green and black mambas. I have had every single dream possible involving these creatures. I think this stems from being in Africa and living in fear that that was how I was going to die. It has carried over and on a regular basis they come after me in my dreams.



Last night however was something far more personal, something that struck me harder than anything could have. And because it hurt so much and was so hard I don't even want to give specifics except to say that I was at the funeral of someone I cannot bear to face leaving me alone here on earth.

It was all so real... I was sitting in this room with people surrounding me and I was screaming my pain while sobbing. I don't really remember faces of people but the pain was real.

I woke up with tears running down my face... and a major headache.

I was reading my Jesus Calling this morning and felt like God was speaking to me through the words.

"This is a Time in your Life When you Must learn to Let Go: of loved ones, of posessions, of control. In order to let go of something that is precious to you; you need to learn to rest in My Presence. ... You can feel secure, even in the midst of cataclysmic changes, through awareness of My continual Presence. The one who never leaves you is the same One who never changes: I am the same yesterday, today and forever."

Although I am facing things in my life that are causing me to adjust the way I have imagined the future, dealing with a loss I have yet to grasp the immensity of, and inevitiable changes... it is comforting to know that through all that this crazy world throws at me... through all of my fears...

HE NEVER CHANGES! HE IS ALWAYS THERE BESIDE ME!

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