I trust you, Jesus

I AM TAKING CARE OF YOU. Trust Me at all times. Trust Me in all circumstances.

Trust Me with all your Heart.

When you are weary and everything seems to be going wrong, you can still utter these four words...

"I trust You, Jesus."

I HATE change... HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT. It can be the simplist thing from where I keep my toothbrush to using a new kind of milk. I like things the way the are and I REBEL against any and every change I see coming.

It feels like I am being surrounded by lots and lots of change right now and I am not having a good time with it... work, personal life, health all these things I have absolutely No control over are changing around me.

I was in a bad mood, stressing this morning when I opened up my Jesus Calling to read the above message...Why do I continue and continue to try to keep things they way they are when it is God making the changes and moving life down the path he has already layed out for me.

My best friend Whitney, who I have written about before here, has a blog. Today she conqured the subject of change too in a beautiful description of her life in Africa.

God's hands are on all things! I am finding my peace in that today as I navigate through the changes around me.

Boring ole Tuesday

I am severly lacking on energy today and all I have got is a picture of my favorite person ever...



This sweet darling had a choir concert last night. First one ever in her official choir dress... she rocked it! And she definitely had the brightest smile on the whole stage. Made my whole night!

Maybe I will have more energy tomorrow...

Weekend and Memories

I had a wonderful, fun, crazy, eventful weekend with my Mom and Nana. Now when I talk to them during the day and they say they have been busy all day but cannot remember doing what I can completely relate!

I honestly cannot remember everything that was done and I of course did not take any pictures because we were busy busy busy but it was a great time.

My mom and I went through several boxes of pictures sorting them out for my brothers and I and along with that there were many many memories.

Nana retold the story that My Grandy loved so much to tell of one time I was riding in the car sitting cozly between the two in the front seat (No carseat!) They thought I was sound asleep as we approached a stop light in Lubbock. As soon as the light turned Green Grandy did not even have time to move his foot to the gas peddle before I yelled "GO FOR IT GRANDY!" He loved telling me this story. I have heard it countless times from him, he laughed everytime and I loved hearing him say it over and over. Nana said she thinks he was up in Heaven telling the angels that story as he looked down on us. No doubt he was laughing!

One of the memories I value most of my Grandy is from the short period my family lived in Nashville. We had moved there for my mom to go to PA school, and while she was in school we spent MOST of our time with Nana and Grandy. I do recall a few Nannies in there to help shuttle us around but my sweet little brother ran them off so we fell to Nana and Grandy's care. Growing up I played softball and baseball for my brother's teams when they were short handed. One thing I loved about Nashville was that they had school softball teams! I tried out the first opportunity I had and became a proud member of the Grassland Generals Softball team. My favorite part however was not being on the team, or wearing my sliders (as I loved to do) but looking out into the left outfield fence, or on the bleachers and seeing my Grandy supporting me. HE would have a Grassland hat on and root for me when I hit and cheer for me when I was fielding.He came  to everysingle game of mine! He came to just about every single practice! He was my biggest fan and I was his!  I remember being in elementary shcool playing softball and LOVED when Nana and Grandy came to town to have him watch me play. I always tried to do extra good for him! I will always cherish those moments!

I Love Modge Podge

ITS FRIDAY!!!! And I am so excited because I get to see this face today...

and this one too...

I am so excited!!!!

In other news.... thanks to a friend I have established a love affair with Modge Podge. I have done a couple projects with it before (check em out).

While at JoAnns getting fabric with my friend Brandais we saw their huge cardboard letters just begging to be decorated... Brandais was wanting to have a little crafting day herself so we got some to Modge Podge.

Seriously took me an hour and the hardest part was measuring the paper... so stinking simple. I already had some awesome paper from TJMAXX (Yes thats right.. you can find EVERYTHING at TJMAXX) and the letters were only $3.99. Such a fun simple craft.

I LOVE the stripes on the inside and outside edges of the M. This little crafty has found a comfy little home on a bookshelf in my office.

I also finished Neeley's purse last night...

I couldn't find the gold touches I was looking for so since turquoise is so BIG right now I thought it would be the next best thing...

I really like the way it looks and love the mixtures of the brown/black/white this could literally go with just about any outfit!

HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEKEND!!

dreams

Last night I had the worst dream I have ever dreamt!

I dream alot! and have started talking in my sleep so there is always alot happening in my mind when I am sleeping but last night was horrible.

Let me preface by saying that the night before I dreamed I was on a missionary field in Iraq (YEAH RIGHT!) and was sleeping in a bag in a movie theatre chair with about 12 other people in an open field, i felt something crawling in my hair and their were little hard bugs coming from a wound on the top of my head. GROSS! I woke up feeling my hair to see get them off!

I usually have dreams, well I guess they are nightmares, involving Snakes! Not just any snakes but green and black mambas. I have had every single dream possible involving these creatures. I think this stems from being in Africa and living in fear that that was how I was going to die. It has carried over and on a regular basis they come after me in my dreams.

Last night however was something far more personal, something that struck me harder than anything could have. And because it hurt so much and was so hard I don't even want to give specifics except to say that I was at the funeral of someone I cannot bear to face leaving me alone here on earth.

It was all so real... I was sitting in this room with people surrounding me and I was screaming my pain while sobbing. I don't really remember faces of people but the pain was real.

I woke up with tears running down my face... and a major headache.

I was reading my Jesus Calling this morning and felt like God was speaking to me through the words.

"This is a Time in your Life When you Must learn to Let Go: of loved ones, of posessions, of control. In order to let go of something that is precious to you; you need to learn to rest in My Presence. ... You can feel secure, even in the midst of cataclysmic changes, through awareness of My continual Presence. The one who never leaves you is the same One who never changes: I am the same yesterday, today and forever."

Although I am facing things in my life that are causing me to adjust the way I have imagined the future, dealing with a loss I have yet to grasp the immensity of, and inevitiable changes... it is comforting to know that through all that this crazy world throws at me... through all of my fears...

HE NEVER CHANGES! HE IS ALWAYS THERE BESIDE ME!

People Pleaser

All of my life I have been a major People Pleaser.

I struggle constantly with not making decisions because of it. Well maybe struggled is not the right word... I just don't do it.

When asked where to eat I only give my opinion with someone I know doesn't have a preference at all and it must be someone I am super extremely close too. Usually only with someone who wants to please me as much as I want to please others.

I do not like to choose movies anymore incase someone I am with will not enjoy my choice... so I would rather just watch their choice and watch mine later.

I am not sure where my "people pleasing" comes from but I have been this way as long as I can remember.

 I do not like conflict so I just go with whatever choices the other person makes.

I have recently noticed though that it is keeping me from standing up for myself in some situations.

*****I do make my own decisions... I am not just a follower but in decisions where it will really not effect me at all is when I choose to sit back and let others choose.*****

You know that part in You Got Mail, when Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks are emailing back and forth about her inability to spout off what she is thinking to someone, some not nice snide remark that she just can't say and he tells her he does it all the time and she would not like the way it made her feel.

I wish sometimes that I could be that person.. that person who just says it like she thinks it, who doesn't care about the consequences, who isn't completely worried about hurting feelings because what she is saying is the truth.

I don't want  to make comments that would hurt anyone's feelings, that is so not what I am talking about.

I have ALOT of drama currentlly circulating my life and I wish I could just tell people like it is.. the stuff that no one else has the guts to say to them... the stuff that I see so clearly and they can't accept.

I might be talking in circles but it just one of those days!

My point is that sometimes I keep my mouth shut and let it all get bottled up inside, I listen to people talk, and gossip and misinterperet and wish so badly I could just waylay them with a BAM of insight to make them shut their mouths and think twice before spreading gossip.

I want to work on not being mute and accepting what people tell me but stickin  up for myself and those I love with the truth.


Here is one thing I do know... I am 25 and feel much much more mature than most of the adults I know. You know what you hated about high school, the gossiping the side choosing, the secret telling... that NEVER goes away! People do not really grow up... we are surrounded by high school behaviour for the rest of our lives.

I am ready to revolt!
I'll let ya know how it goes!

Clutches!

I found this fantastic DIY a couple weeks ago and decided to try it out for myself... and have become a little bit obsessed.

Supplies:
Placemat (any size, shape or pattern)
glue gun
metal clasps
fabric (for flowers or whatever decorations you want to add)

It is so super easy, you simply get a placemat with a patern you like. All of mine have come from Walmart or Burlington Coat Factory for less than $3.00 each!

This one is from Burlington... $2.99. It reminded me of some shoes Neeley got from Goodwill.

First step: fold the placemat into a tri-fold.... make sure it is the size you want it to be. Sometimes I like my flap to come down lower or higher depending on how I want the purse to look.

Step 2: Because I am an "INSTANT GRATIFICATION" type person... and don't own a sewing machine... all of my projects are glue gun friendly.

Just glue (or if you are awesome and having the sewing ability than you can sew) down the side. Do not glue on the flap of the purse.

My glue that is spilliing over I cleaned up with my sisscors once it dried.

Repeat on the opposite side.

Step 3: Once the sides are firmly glued togther and dried... fold the flap over.

At this point you are going ot want to line up where you want your clasps to go.

On different purses I put them lower or higher on the flap. This is a personal preference on how you want your purse to look.

I tried  magnets, but these clasps have worked best for me. You can buy a package of 3 from Hobby Lobby for $2.99.

Line up the placing you want ... and glue down.

Like I said I am an instant gratification person and simply spread out the arms on the clasps and glue it on flat.

Your clutch is finished being constructed... time to make it pretty.

I am obsessed with these fabric flowers and have been trying out new techniques to dazzle my clutches up.

Once it is decorated like you want it... you are done!

This one is my favorite by far!!

This was my first... I made it for a friend who loves clutches. I was so thrilled with how easy it was to do.

Little rose bud on the back to add some flair.

This was a $1.00 placemat from Wally World.

This is the same dollar placemat from Walmart but in green (obviously). I wanted a fun spring feel for this one.

I thought the off white flowers accomplished just what I wanted... I actually used lace for three of them.

Love Love Love!

This has been the overall voted FAVORITE. It is a 2.99 placemat from Walmart.

I am not a huge fan of the animal prints but I LOVE the way this one turned out!

These are a couple of prints I am working on now.

This little beauty is a work in process still. I am waiting to find the perfect gold beads or jewels to put in the center of a couple flowers and maybe around it... this one already has an owner... my beautiful sister!

Sooo at the encouragement of the sweet people around me... I will be selling these if you do not want to make your own. I am working on setting up an etsy shop but if you want one ASAP email me at mrl04a@gmail.com

Here are a couple that I have made and are ready now.

Happy Tuesday to you and yours!!!

It feels like Spring

This weekend was so amazing.... after my whirlwind week last week it was so nice to have ZERO responsiblities... to sleep till 10:30 (something I only got to do because sis was in school otherwise I would have been up at 8 with her getting breakfast)... I crafted on the couch while watching movies... I got to be super duper lazy and it was glorious!

The weather has been so amazing here. I am a huge fan of being bundled up in as many clothes as I can find watching the rain or snow come down on a cold day  but it was lovely to have the sun shining, get to wear shorts, and drive around with the windows down this weekend.

Spring is coming! I hope it brings lots of thunderstorms!

Have a lovely week!

Broken

Today it hit me like a ton of bricks.... I was driving with my iphone on shuffle... on came La Vie En Rose performed by 101 Strings...

I started sobbing driving down Western... It was raw...

I force myself to not think about  you not being here... if I do, If I allow myself to breakdown to the full reality that you are not at home sitting in your chair listening  to Fox News, having Nana bring you breakfast, If I allow myself to fully think about it...

I cant breathe, I cant move, I cant open my eyes to the world without you, I cant function...most days it works for me to not think...

to talk to you as I always would but today...today I couldnt... today my walls were broken down with the music... I was late coming back to work but I didnt care.... I needed to fully embrace the moment... the emotions... the loss.

There are so many things I want to tell you... I want to ask... but I would settle even for being in your presence...

Do you know how wrong this place feels without you?   How empty... How lost?

I am so thankful for the time, the love, the sharing we had. There is never a day that I doubt our relationship and our bond... and I know you knew how much I love and adore you... how you were the man in my life.

Somedays it would be so much easier to be up there with you than down here in this mess...but I know you are watching over me, over Nana, over all of us.

That doesn't change the fact that I miss you more than I can bear...

Today my heart is broken, I can't catch my breathe. I miss you more and more. I need you more and more.

Never Forget!

Unleash your creative spirit. Embrace your truth. Let it go. Unleash your joy. Embrace vulnerability. Surround yourself with good people. Ask for what you need. Manifest courage. Find beauty in the small. Quiet the inner critic. Wear more skirts. Own your talent. Speak of your gratitude. Leap Fearlessly. Do the thing you never thought you could do.

Kelly Rae Roberts

Starlight

Every once in a while a time comes around where I have get to run my Aunt's bed and breakfast. Neeley and I  usually take on the task of playing inn keeper, doing it together always makes it fun fun fun!

Our Duties usually include, cooking breakfast. There  are 4 rooms booked with couples usually, meaning we could have up to 8 people for breakfast or as it has happened before we cook for 8 and have 2 or none.... just have to wait and see who shows up. After breakfast we have 30-45 minutes to cleanup the kitchen and feed ourselves, then it is off to clean the rooms for the next night's guests. We have developed quite a system and try to time ourselves to see how fast we can clean.... one of us starts with the bed, stripping it of all its garments while the other begins to gather all the towels and robes and asses what will be needed to restock the room. We go get our fresh supplies and remake the bed, scrub the bathroom, clean the bar, dust, take out the trash, vacuum and move on to the next one.

Saturday morning, I was without my buddy who was at school while I made Waffles for all 8 guests. my love, came out to help me and he cooked the bacon and we topped the plates with strawberry garnishes, trying to keep the "Tammy touch" in there.

Neeley and I make an allstar breakfast for Sunday. Sausage Gravy. Scrambled eggs. Hashbrowns. and Biscuits.

Its always better with her there!

It was Neeley's first time to conquer Sausage Gravy.... we were both so proud of it!

Since we come from a family where breakfast is consisered a staple in your everyday life and our Nana and Grandy can cook the best breakfasts in the entire world we were happy with our accomplishment.

This was some gravy that would have made my Grandy very proud!!

We only had two of the four rooms come in for breakfast... but that was ok because we ate the rest while catching up on some Jersey Shore before heading out to clean clean clean.

Simply.

Cray Cray weekend! and am still going going going.

But these were given to my for simply being;

from MY LOVE, 

Hope this week is FULL of blessings!

and tonight is the FINALE of the BACHELOR... CANT WAIT!

Friday Happiness

PRAISE THE LORD FOR FRIDAYS!

Although I have a very busy weekend ahead of me... just means spring is coming and weddings are starting SOON!

 Mom sent me these pics the other day as she was going through old albums.

I have NEVER seen these before....

This one is a little blurry... these are all via iphone to iphone... but I miss him so incredibly much it is my favorite!

HAPPY FRIDAY TO YOU ALL!

Whats in a name

My blog title was something I initially heard on a show I used to watch... Sex and the City.

Growing up my mom, aunt, Nana and Grandy, everyone who cared about me and wanted the best for me were continually telling me to never settle. This was usually in reference to picking the perfect mate that God has chosen for me but it would apply to all aspects of my life as well.

Settling was something I lived/live in fear of to this day... accepting anything less than that which God has chosen for me on my pathway through this fallen world.

Settling is NOT an option.

As I was watching SATC one day there is an episode where Carrie goes to tell her ex-love Mr. Big goodbye... she does a voiceover saying "some people are settling down, some people are settling, and some refuse to settle for ANYTHING LESS THAN BUTTERFLIES."

That saying has always stuck with me and I must admit as much as SATC is a secret vice of mine I am slightly embarrased to admit that is where my blog title came from. But I LOVE what it stands for.

Butterflies are thought to signify growth, freedom and rebirth.

The decisions that I make everyday and that will guide the direction my life take also signify these same things. The decisions are a result of the freedom as I have been given by my creator and have come to from my age to make. With every single decision I grow in someway from the result of it, being good or bad. The ultimate "never settle" decision scenario, that of choosing my perfect mr. right picked out for me and planned for me by only God, the decision to marry and start a new life and family with him would be the ultimate worldy rebirth.

It is a constant reminder to NEVER SETTLE for anything, not in my everyday life, not in my job, not in my love life and not in my spiritual life.

A constant reminder to make good Godly decisions. To make decisions that are not guided by worldly desires or temptations but my striving to live up to the image of christ.

Romans 12:2 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

Laugh when you can, apologize when you should. let go of what you can't change. Kiss slowly, fogive quickly, pray hard, take chances, give everything and have no regrets. Life is to short to be anything but HAPPY!               

Mardi Gras

Last night our friend group got to celebrate a very last minute Mardi Gras party... it began at 9:30 and consisted of absolutely NO alchohol just lots of family friendly fun!

No Mardi Gras party would be complete without beads and masks... all from the Dollar Tree

(Love that store)

We had all color coordinating foods including some awesome cupcakes from United, so stinking cute!

Also for a late night snack we had purple chips, guacamole, and a failed queso attempt turned into salsa.

but the bowls were all color coordinated!

We also had Girl Scout cookies in our Purple, Yellow and Green themes!

The girls all rocked some awesome feather masks... Dollar Tree!

The Boys (who are really great at taking pictures, NOT) in their metallic masks... also Dollar Tree

After snacking around a bit we played some Apples to Apples to keep ourselves entertained...

Our simplified fun eventually turned into something a little bit more EXTREME. I mean there were leftover cupcakes... so what are you supposed to do but...

Shove them in each other's faces OF COURSE!

Most Everyone had a GOOD time with it

and some people did get as creamed as others

and some were taken by COMPLETE suprise... just lucky the iphone didin't get involved

And then the last two standing FINALLY got hit...

right in the bangs too, meaning I would have to wash my hair

reason for the SAD face

Overall it was a very unevenful eventful Mardi Gras party and a reason to get together for a GOOD TIME!