Roadmap to a Lasting Relationship

On Monday nights it has become a tradition to have our friends over to watch this season of The Bachelor. I have not gotten into this show in a long while but probably the lack of something else to do on Monday nights has gotten everyone (even our guy friends) into it. Tonight  I was watching all these girls who have had barely any quality time with Brad, confess true feelings of love towards him as He in return is telling the ladies that they have they have all the qualities he is looking for in a wife. I am not nieve enough to think that there are not many many conversations that happen behind the scenes or that this show is completely scripted. However I noticed tonight that none of the woman nor Brad seems to be in pursuit of the characteristics I as a Christian would be looking for.  None of them seem to put religious values as a major priority in their potential life partner not to mention many other qualities that are on the top of my list.





Coming from a broken marriage I feel that the importance of finding the perfect mate has been made more critical than if I came from parents who were still happily married. I would never trade my upbringing for anything else but my search for my soul mate is continually interrupted by reflections of my parents marriage. I have learned many many lessons about love and marriage from experiencing the divorce of my parents and aunts and uncles.


I was taught and am continually reminded to NEVER SETTLE! To not think that you are not worthy enough to get everything that you want for in a husband. I am reminded that you MARRY THE FAMILY. As I would expect my future mate to jump right into my family and love them as their own it is hard for me to embrace thinking of doing the same with his family, especially if they are far different from what I have known. It seems almost like a calculated game that I will never reach the end of.


As I have dated and loved throughout my life, suffered breaking hearts and my heart being broken I have gathered a list of my own characteristics in my future husband. The number one thing would be sharing my faith with him. I want a man who is a spiritual leader for me and my family to be. That trait is a non-negotiable.


I admit though that I am struggling with the rules that follow. It is hard to think that if a guy comes from a family who is not as strongly built as my own he is not made of Megan marriage material. Or if he were to struggle with his future ambitions does that mean he will not support me and give me the life I deserve. When do you allow the possibility that  someone has changed? Or do you hold their past against them expecting them to fall back into the patterns or their parents/siblings? Will anyone ever be good enough that my family will look at them and think... oh yeah he is absolutely good enough to marry her. Ultimately I know that I have to give it all up to the Lord and he will deliver his perfect mate to me.
As I was reading tonight I came across scriptures in Ephesians 5 where Paul tells the Ephesians how to live their lives: no sexual immorality, no obscentity, foolish talk, or coarse joking. No one should decieve you with empty words therefore do not be partners with them. Be careful how you live not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity. Do not get drunk but be filled with the spirit. Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 


 I have read this passage before and recognized the lifestyle that I was supposed to lead based on this guidance but the part, DO NOT BE PARTNERS WITH THEM struck me. Not only is this passage telling me how to live but it is instructing me of what to look for in my mate.
I have always known that I wanted to marry a man just like my Grandy. This is a catch-22 though because I believe that he is a complete one in a million. Although my direct marital influence in my life was that of divorce, the most powerful marriage I was ever a witness to was that of my Nana & Grandy.


Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. Husbands love your wives juas as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way husbands ought to love their lives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself... For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the two will become one flesh. Ephesians 5:22-33

There is absolutely NO question that Nana and Grandy followed this scripture to the max! Their love for one another shone above everything but their love for the Lord. They respected one another, they held each other up, and cared for each other as if their own persons. Their love was a direct imitation of God's love for his church.


In this world of broken marriages I am so thankful to have a solid relationship to look towards for guidance and hope. Having god lay out not only who he wants us to be but therefore what our partners should be is a roadmap to a lasting relationship. I know the rocky road I have suffered in finding my partner to raise my family with would be far far more bumpy if I did not have the references I did.


I couldn't help but think that part of the reason that none of the Bachelor's and Bachelorette's seem to find lasting love is because like the rest of the world they put the worldly desires above what we are called to be as a partner and what we are called to look for.



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