55 Days

It is amazing to me that it has now been 55 days since my sweet Grandy went to his glories in heaven. It still doesn't seem real to me at all. I keep waiting for it to set in and my grieving process to start. I always expected to go into an immediate black hole and not come out for weeks, months, years maybe. It has been 55 days and we have had a Christmas, New Year, many Birthdays and he has not been here for any of it. I know that he is in a much better place, but on days like today it hits me again that he is not here with me. He is not sitting in his green chair watching Fox News, He is not getting geared up for the Superbowl this weekend, He is not eating dinner with Nana.

I desperately am needing a hug from my Grandy today. I wish so badly I could sit with him in the living room holding his left hand while he directs the 101 Strings orchestra with his right one and as Nana yells from the kitchen to turn it down, he turns it up giving me that mischievous look with his raised eyebrows. I want him to tell me that it is all going to be OK. I want to hear from him to trust in the Lord. I want to hear his deep voice singing "You are my Sunshine" to me. I want him to tell me how proud he is of me.

I know that for so many who knew him and especially those of us lucky enough to have his blood in us have found it extremely hard to find a better walking example of Jesus Christ. Grandy lived his life embodying everything God asked of us and of the sacrifice Jesus made for our sins. I feel there could not have been a better example of how to life a Christlike life than the one my Grandy led. The moment Grandy passed I felt for the first time excited to go to Heaven for I knew that was where we would be reunited.

I read this passage yesterday and it made me think of my Grandy up in heaven looking down on me...

I am with you and for you. You face nothing alone-- NOTHING!

On days like today when I want him to be here with me, I was comforted by the thought of Grandy always with me and always looking down on me.

One night about a year ago when Aunt Tammy and Kelsey were in town to stay with Grandy ( I dont remember exactly where Nana had gone) and I was so blessed to be staying with Nana and Grandy at the time. We were all sitting around the table and had just finished eating. It was such a normal night, but for some reason Grandy was so tickled and who know what he was laughing about now but I had never ever seen him laugh that hard. He was crying he was laughing so hard. I tried to get a video of it on my phone but inded up with just this picture. 

It's not the best picture at all but it represents such a special memory to me of another wonderful night with him!

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