Moments that last

I love when I get to see glimpses of the real you. Your infectious smile. Your kind loving spirit. Those moments of joy that we share carry me through the bad moments. The moments when I have upset you and don't know why. When you get frustrated trying to tell me something and my guesses throw you off course. I hate those moments. I hate what is happening to you. I hate that I cannot do anything to stop it. I feel very discouraged and I know you do too. I wish I could take you on adventures all the time. I let the hard moments keep me away too much. We laughed yesterday for forever at what you did. That hard belly laughter. We connected over the sillyness of it all and it felt right. It felt like it used too. You surprise me so much with the things you say or don't say. I miss you telling me you Love me on the phone. I miss the good hugs you used to give, but I take my forced hugs to heart everytime now. I am proud of you, I hope you know that. This isn't easy on you. I don't like it when you are too hard on yourself. It isn't you... its the disease. I wish we could play all day long. I wish I could make you happy all the time. I wish I could understand what you are going through. I don't know how to help. I don't know what to do. But I love you Mom. I Love you!