Spent the day in ICU while my dad was heavily sedated. Had his surgery scheduled at 1:15 pm and when we got to the hospital at 8:15 am found Christie in the waiting room telling us that he had already been in and no one even told her.
They kept him heavily sedated all day with the ventilator breathing for him.
I hate him not being able to respond. Those moments that were so precious yesterday, the squeeze of a hand, a nod, an slight eyelift made me feel like it would be ok.
Today he just slept while people came in and out of the room some giving hope, others taking it away.
I think it is especially hard because the last time I saw a man I love lying in a hospital bed not responding he passed away.
I am sad, I miss my Grandy, I miss my Dad.
Hoping that tomorrow he will be able to respond some, possibly get off of the ventilator.
In the midst of this fight I can rest in the confidence that my Dad has his heart faced on the God he knows and loves and that we are all praying for him to sustain us through this time.
Spending my time not letting my thoughts rest on the past, on regrets, on missed opportunities but on the weekend a month ago we had together. On the fact that I KNOW he knows how much I love him and am proud of him.
He shook his head yesterday as I told him to fight fight fight because I am not done yet. I still need him. He knows!
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