Can it truly only be Tuesday when it feels like atleast Thursday?! This week is officially taking WAY to long.
This weekend was relatively calm, lots of chilling which is my favorite thing to do. Drew and I got to have some good quality time togther. Saturday night we went to hear the first in a new sermon series on making decisions in a Godly manner. As the Queen of being indecisive I am feeling like I could learn a lot from this new series.
In other news...
We got word from Ryan that he is going back to Afghanistan. He doesn't know when or where yet but it will probably be next month and is only supposed to be for 30 days. He is being strong, sounding confident that it will be "no big deal." He told me he will be eating, sleeping and working out everyday. It is hard after all that our family has been through the past year and 3 months to feel like anything of this magnitude is just all going to be ok. I am encouraged by his strength and peace but my heart hurts that he will have to go back to a war stricken country. Mom immediately hit the fritz, her first reaction was to call and tell me and then called Patrick leaving him 6 voicemails. She cannot fathom the idea of him being over there even it if is for a short period of time, she needs all her chickens safe and sound in USA so that she can remain calm. I know the Lord will cover Ryan and protect him as he has in the past, our prayers will be holding him in a safe bubble as well. My first thought was that I wish my Dad was here to hear the news, he would know what to say, how to feel about it... I am sure Ryan was thinking the same thing.
I try incredibly hard every day to keep my Mom encouraged and motivated for life. A life that she has so much more to do with, so much more to live in. Some friends of Nana's were in town this weekend to visit and during dinner with them Mom told them that the Doctor had told her she only has 3-5 years left to live. The one and onlly good thing about this disease is that No One knows what kind of time frame we are looking at. She tested out rather well at her last Dr.'s visit in Dallas, exceeding some categories and not in others but overall we was very happy with her lack of progression. The toughest battle is getting her to believe that we do not have a prognosis on time, only God knows. I have to keep myself from getting infuriated when I hear that she is telling this time story again. It is hurtful for me to hear, that not only the end is unknown but that she believes this to be true.
Sunday night Drew and I went over to Mom and Nana's house to check on them. Mom pulled me into her room crying because she didn't remember how to work her computer. I held back my own tears and decided this would be my moment to tell her how I felt. I told her that I had spoken to the Dr's office in Dallas and never was there mention of a time, that the one honest conversation I believe I ever had with Gary was while I was sobbing asking him if there was a time and he said No. I told her that even though she feels like her days are long and boring sitting at home that I am working my ass off to try and find people going through the same thing as she is that she can talk to. I told her that she has 3 kids who Need her, who she is all that is left for them. I pleaded with her to understand that life has many adventures left to give to her and us. That I am planning on getting married soon and need my Mom there beside me, I need here there when I have children, when Patrick get's married and has kids and when Darrah and Ryan give her her first grandson (just hoping for the future here, nothing in the works yet) There is so much more. So much for her to give still. She cannot give up on this fight!
I set up her Ipad so that she can video chat with the boys which I think will help. I called Ryan immediately to plan a trip for her to see them before he leaves, for us all to have some family time together.
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