This is the Stuff

I was driving back to work today and heard this catchy little tune from Francesca Battistell called This Is The Stuff. I have heard some of her songs before and really liked her voice. As I listened to the lyrics I was struck again by how faithful God is in showing me right now that he is always with me and to let him lead my life. I dont want to always write about my Jesus Calling message of the day but it is just so darn good EVERYDAY! Today it was talking about Trusting God... taking the higher road in life and letting him lead your life... not leading on your own understanding of this world or what you think it should be but resting comfortably in the knowledge that he has it all undercontrol. Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding: In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make you paths straight."

I am a very independent person. I have a hard time letting people into my life and an even harder time leaning on others for help. I guess this stems from my parent's divorce at such an early age and me feeling like I needed to somewhat be the protector for my little brother and try to be somewhat of a stable ground for my big brother. I can look back over my life and count the precious few people who I have truly allowed to break down my barriers and come into my safe zone. I am still very guarded about things in my life, sometimes even with those I hold most dear. So for God to ask me to give up my own rational reasonable understanding,  my life planning, my walls to keep me safe and protected from what I fear may or may not be coming my way is a very hard thing to do. I hate being made vulnerable and that is exactly what he is asking of me. I was thinking about all of this last night and how I say... yeah, ok God I will "trust" in you but I am going to keep making my plans happen and persuing what I want and I am sure you will eventually want for me. Well today he told me No ma'am, You need to fully trust me and my plans.

Not two seconds after I read my message for the day Francesca's song game on and she sang these words...

 I lost my keys in the great unknown place,
and call me please 'cause I can't find my phone,
This is the stuff that drives me crazy,
This is the stuff that's getting to me lately.
In the middle of my little mess I forget how big I'm Blessed
This is the stuff that gets under my skin
But I've got to trust You know exactly what You're doing
It might not be what I might choose, But this is the stuff you use

Couldn't have been more appropriate for me and my little doubting self!


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This world is not our home

Today as I was sitting in a Life Insurance meeting (YUCK!) listening to stories about umexpected losses of loved ones and every person's need for life insurance, I was thinking how sad life really is. There is complete devastation around us everyday/ all day. Everyone in the room had a story of someone who has experienced some tramatic loss. I sat back thinking, yeah but "WHY LORD DO I HAVE TO  GO THROUGH PAIN." It was about this time that I recieved text messages from my Nana and Aunt Tammy to read my Jesus Calling thoughts for today, and yes I realize I should not have had my phone with me texting in class but atleast it wasn't while I was driving. So I opened it up to today's day to read this...

" GIVE UP THE ILLUSION that you deserve a problem-free life. Part of you is still hungering for the resolution of all difficulties. This is FALSE HOPE! As I told my disciples, in the world you will have trouble. Link your hope not to problem solving in this life but to the promise of an eternity of problem-free life in Heaven. Instead of seeking perfection in a fallen world, pour your energy into seeking Me: the PERFECT ONE.
IT IS POSSIBLE to enjoy Me and glorify Me in the midst of adverse circumstances. In fact, My light shines most brightly through believers who trust Me in the dark. That kind of trust is supernatural: a production of My Indwelling Spirit. When things seem all wrong, trust Me ANYWAY."

Then I read John 16:33 and Psalm 112:7.  I have never read a daily devotional that has hit me so hard every single day like this one has so far.

I sat and thought how arrogant of me to think that I do not deserve to face trials and stumbling blocks here on Earth. This world is not supposed to be easy because it is not meant for us to spend eternity here. I have never been one to long for Heaven, I always knew that is ultimately where I wanted to end up but never just longed to go there. Now I know what comfort and peace must be awaiting me there, not to mention being able to hug my Grandy again.

Through this time of trial which I know will get much harder I am going to make it my goal to EMBRACE LIFE. (That is State Farm's Life Insurance marketing slogan, that was on the video we watched this morning.) We were only promised today and have no clue what the future holds for us. So while we are here in this troubling world, it is up to us to make the absolute best out of each moment! Everyday we get to spend getting up and going to work, being with friends and family is a gift. I do not want to take a single second of that for granted!

Here are a few pics from this weekend celebrating some Birthdays!

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Sweet Baby Brother

Today is my sweet little brothers 23rd Bday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY PATRICK!! I cannot believe that he is 23, which sadly makes me 25 :( I could not be more proud of the man that Patrick has grown into. Patrick has definitely not had the easiest road in life but has overcome all the trials that have blocked his way. I am constantly amazed at his ability to gracefully and joyfully get through any situation. I have many times called him sobbing on the phone about some devastating news or event to have him calmly tell me it will all be ok. So to change my format up a lil bit here are some of my favorite things about my baby bro...

1. His ability to LAUGH through any situation
2. They way he looks at me with sweet SYMPATHY when I have a "blonde" moment
3. That he grew to be so stinking TALL
4. His LOYALTY to friends and family
5. The way he never says NO when you need his help
6. The fact that he named his dog after his favorite COWBOY'S player
7. His always ENCOURAGING words
8. How much he LOVES his family
9. That he is the INTELLECTUAL of the family
10. His AMAZING Margaritas at Abuelo's
11. The fact that he NEVER complains about anything
12. That instead of buying new clothes, even undies, he will wear his roomates.... EWWW!
13. That he has my Grandy's HANDS
14. That he has a bird NOSE like my momma
15. That sometimes his LISP from childhood creeps out
16. That he is a total MOMMA'S boy
17. He KISSES and HUGS in public
18. That he still writes in CURSIVE
19. His SMILE
20. His BLUE eyes like my mom
21. His AMBITION that will hopefully take him to law school
22. How he CALLS to check on me
23. That even though he is the BABY he doesn't act like it

 I LOVE YOU PATRICK!

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When it rains it pours

This past weekend I celebrated my  25th Birthday. This has been a much dreaded event, something about turning the quarter century of 25 has been driving me nuts. Probably because I'm not at all where I anciticpated being at the age of 25. My office threw me a birthday party and as we ate homemade chocolate pie, my coworkers reminisced  about what they were doing at 25. One was prego with twins, another was a stay at home mom with 2 children, the third was planning her wedding and my boss was a setting up her new agency. As I looked at the 20+ age gab between me and my coworkers I knew times had definitely changed. However my desire to be further along in my plans had not. I had always imagined myself married with atleast one child, or a world traveler making a difference in the world with my photographs. However God has his own unique plans for me and my life.

I have written before about  my decision not to go to Africa because of a need to remain close to my Grandfather. I thought the timing of his death and the departure date for my would be team was always an ironic one. At the beginning of the planning the team was scheduled to leave what would have been 6 months prior to my Grandy's passing, they ended up pushing it back to what turned out to be 1 month exactly after his death. I have thought a few times, had I remained on the team I would still have been able to go due to the timing. However God has other plans. I am so grateful that I made the decision not to go...

Learning that my mom has this alzheimer's disease I know that the time we have together is more and more precious. I want to embrace and cherish every moment that we are given. I wish so much that I had the luxury to quit my job and spend the rest of our days together traveling exploring new things and having fun every step of the way.

My mom and Nana made the trip up to Amarillo this past weekend to have a little birthday celebration. Nana made an amazing brisket and her famous Monterrey Rice Casserole as our family gathered on Saturday night. I was so glad to get to share my birthday with the women who mean the most in the world to me and even more glad to give my mom the birthday celebration of her own she missed out on this year.

Because of the medication she is taking  mom started experienceing some nausea during the day. We had set out on a fun birthday day of shopping but was quickly brought to and stop as she got to feeling sick. Me being a person of constant denial I wanted to push the diagnosis out of my head and enjoy the day with my mom as I would have before we knew what was causing her sickness. The nausea served as a constant reminder of the state of her health and the uncertainty of the future. I cannot even let my mind roam to the future that has yet to be, the future my mom may not get to see.

As I tried to escape again last night from my reality by watching the Bachelor I was brought brutally back to the present of my life. My dad who has previously beaten Esophogeal cancer called me to tell me they found a mass in his abdomen. He was diagnosed when I was in college and after surgeries, chemo, and radiation has been cancer free for 2 years now. Over the Thanksgiving/ Christmas seasons he had a scan done that returned with a 5 inch mass in his abdomen. His oncologist is confident that it will be removable with surgery, although he is waiting on his appointment with his surgeon. He is very confident and upbeat about the future.

I, however, broke down immediately. What is happening to my family? Why is all this happening at once? Haven't I suffered enough already? I have not even had time to process the death of my Grandy  much less focus on the coming future.

My Nana gave me the daily devotional book, Jesus is Calling for my birthday. I immediately opened up to yesterday's date to find this...

" MY Peace is the treaure of treasures; the pearl of great price. It is an exquisitely  costly gift, both for the Giver and the reciever. I purchased thie Peace for you with My Blood. you recieve this gift by trusting Me in the midst of life's storms. If you have the world's peace-- everything going your way-- you don't seek My unfathomable Peace. Thank Me when things do not go your way, because spiritual blessings come wrapped in trials. Adverse circumstances are normal in a fallen world. Expect them each day. Rejoice in the face of hardship, for I HAVE OVERCOME THE WORLD."

At the age of now 25 I must lift up my cross and know that I am right where God wants me to be. He has my timing and my path laid out in the exact way that will bring the most glory to him. I must contine to trust in his love for me and know that he will guide me through any situtaion. Although I feel like I am drowning right now in the storm, I am trying my hard to just trust.

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Mark of the Lion

Well yesterday did not prove to have the best news. My mom was diagnosed with Dementia, a form of Alzheimer's. As I recieved the news yesterday from my mom who was strong as she has ever been I burst into uncontrolable tears. This in turn caused her to start crying. I felt so bad for my immediate reaction but could not fathom the idea of my Hero in life be subjected to this disease. My mind immediately went to the dark side and thought about the children I don't have yet with the memories left to be made with my mom. My step-dad got on the phone and offered me more of the medical information; there is medicine she will be taking to help regain her lost functions and possibly slow down or prevent progression, but none of this seemed to comfort me. I spent the rest of the day crying on and off as I offered support and strength to my brothers. Nothing seemed to comfort me however until I got home...

While I was in Africa a couple of years ago I read Francine River's Mark of the Lion series and found tremendous faith in the story of Hadassah. Again an couple of months ago I began to re-read the trilogy. Hadassah, the Christian slave girl who tries her hardest to follow God's will for her while serving masters who through her in a lions den to die and continually spreads the good news of Jesus Christ to all she encounters. The strength she has in the depths of darkness has encouraged me as I walk through uncertainty. She never forgets who she is living her life for and that she will be rewarded far beyond imagination in the afterlife. She continually denies earthly temptaions to walk a righteous path.

I know that God is bigger than all my troubles here on Earth, bigger than death, bigger than illness, bigger than loneliness. He alone can take my worries away and He alone has our pathway already laid out for us. Trusting him is the only way to navigate through this world. This is a lesson I have been tested with lately and although I know I will fall he is always there to catch me.

Celebrating my Mom

 Today is my mom's 52nd birthday! I get very emotional talking about my mom because she is truly the strongest and most amazing woman I know. She raised my brothers and I all alone and always provided us with every need and usuallly every want. She has a fun loving spirit that cannot be matched. In High School my friends loved to come to my house to hang out with Molly. She has never been one to allow for a boring moment, she always has some way to keep those around her entertained. She often embarrassed me when I was  younger with her brashness and her care free spirit. For example threatening boyfriends and best friends boyfriends, or saying some off the cuff remark in public but that was my  mom and I learned to love that about her. As I have gotten older I have noticed that I have the same flair for inappropriateness and spewing words out of my mouth before I think about them. She has also taught me to be a strong independent woman and plant my two feet in Jesus, for then I will never fall. I have always been in awe of the woman my mom is, nurturing, loving, fun, strong-willed, independent, God fearing woman.

Over the past few years some of that fun-loving spirit has begun to fade. I knew something was wrong long before we had proof of it. This past year mom had a test done that showed a mass on her frontal lobe in her brain. After waiting and waiting and waiting for an appointment with a Neurologist in Dallas... today on her day of birth she sits at the doctor's office. As I am unceasingly praying for good news, some news to relieve all of our anxieties today, I am also praying for this not to be the worst birthday for her yet. I cannot think of a woman who deserves more than the absolute best and I am praying that as she is 6 hours away from me today, that this birthday will be one of tremendous blessings!

Happy Birthday to my Hero! If I turn out to be half the woman you are I will be extremely grateful!

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embrace the LOVE

So as I was going about my morning routine this morning, getting ready with Good Morning America on I noticed on the information scrolling at the bottom that Pshycologist believe today is the most depressing day of the year. Apparently they account this to sad wintery weather and seasonal debt that is finally roaring its ugly head. I usually love this time of the year, my birthday is on the horizon, my mom and brother also have birthdays coming soon (Mom's is tomorrow.) I like winter weather, I love being bundled up in boots and coats with a scarf and beanie on my head. But today I do feel a little bit down. Life is just kicking me hard right now. Family health issues, finances, and relationship burdens are getting me down in the dumps. And I can always tell when I am extra down because I unconsiously stop by a store to by lots of Chocolate. So today as I was pulling out of CVS with my bag full of $9 worth of candy a christian band leader came on the radio and spoke this quote by Martin Luther King Jr.

  "I have decided to stick with LOVE.
                                       Hate is to great a burden to bear."

As I have been a grudge carrier lately and in the spirit of my always optomistic and loving Grandy I have decided to take this on today as a challenge. Life is too short to hold onto the hate it is time to embrace the love and have happiness and joyfulness all around us.

the Bestie and a Journey Across the World

When I was a sophomore in college my best friend and I decided we needed to take an adventure for the summer instead of staying in boring old Abilene where we have spent all our summers. She had been to Thailand to visit her uncle who was a missionary there and had always wanted to go back. I had always wanted to go to Africa but the group we were going through did not have any active openings in Africa. So to Bangkok, Thailand we went to teach English for 6 weeks. Needless to say it was the most amazing experience of my life to that point.

We then decided that the summer after our Senior year we needed another adventure. She was getting married in December to a missionary minded man who wanted to join his uncle on the field in Zambia. Since I had always wanted to go to Africa we thought that would be the perfect place. Let me tell you after 2 weeks of absolutely hating it there I fell madly in love. The lifestyle was so simplistic. I found that not having running water, television, or cell phones was actually liberating. Most of all I fell in love with the young girls in the area. They were in huge need of someone to look up to, someone to tell them they were special. Someone to listen to them talk. I met to girls, Santi and Mutinta who had absolutely captured my heart. Santi was an orphan, both her parents died of AIDS. Mutinta had loving parents who worked in the field so she stayed and cared for a paralyzed woman in the village.

Leaving them absolutely broke my heart wide open. I vowed to come back as soon as I could to be with them and take care of them.

Upon arriving home my family was ecstatic to have me back. As I laid out my plans to return to Africa my Grandy said he needed me here. I took it as a small protestation that any parent would have to a child venturing into a third world country for a year or two.
Afer being  home for sometime my bestie and her husband formed a team to  return to Zambia for two years, I immediately jumped on board but soon discovered I was feeling a little unsettled in my decision, I thought it was my fear of commitment to train for a year and a half and then move to Zambia for two years. I am definitely a family oriented girl and was having a difficult time thinking of leaving my grandparents, mom, brother, cousins, and aunt for two years. However I continued on the path of training to leave, thinking I would have to one day face separation anyway.

It wasn't until my Mom and Aunt both said to me on separate occasions that my Grandy had mentioned to them through tears that if I went to Africa he would never see me again that I fully realized the impact of my decision. Upon hearing this I wept and wept and knew that I couldnt leave. I knew the feeling of uneasiness in my stomach was that of not being able to say goodbye to my Grandy. So I told my bestie that this was not the right time for me to leave the country.

I never once regretted my decision. I cherished every moment I spent with Grandy and Nana. I feel like he was some what more at ease knowing I was not leaving. I was able to spend many many days just hanging out the three of us watching old movies, Fox News, or sports.
Of all ironies my bestie happened to be in Abilene saying goodbyes to people the weekend Grandy died. I know God had his hand in making that happen. It was extremely important to both her and I that she was there for me that weekend.

I say all this to say that this past week she left for Zambia for 2 years. She is one of the strongest most grounded people I know. She stays true to her convictions and is always there when you need her. We became best friends the summer before our freshman year of high school and have been inseperable ever since. I was lucky to be her maid of honor in her wedding. As I look forward on the next two years and see all the changes and life events that I anticipate along with the unexpected it is going to be hard to fathom her being a million miles away. But I take comfort in knowing that she is doing God's work and is there with my dear sweet little girls and she has a wonderful husband to stand beside her.
Love to the both of them and the rest of their team! My prayers are continually flowing for them all.


Never Forget!

A photo I took of the Bestie and her sweet Husband.

Hands

I have always thought hands are such a significant part of a person. My Grandy had strong masculine hands. I loved everything they represented, a man who worked hard all his life, who was a devoted father and grandfather. His hands like him were steady and caring. I loved to sit on the couch listening to music holding my Grandy's hands. I have snapped several photos of our hands together over the past couple of years, knowing that was a memory and feeling I always wanted to hold on to.

During Thanksgiving I decided to do the same for all the family that was at Nana and Grandy's house together. This Thanksgiving was extremely unsual and a tell tale sign of Grandy's physical deterioration. Grandy would usually be found in the center of the room bringing the family all together with stories or singing to us or just asking questions. This Thanksgiving however Grandy was positioned in a chair against the back window taking it all in. He was just watching his family all interact together. I sat next to him and tried to be sneaky asking casually if one of my cousins or aunts would stop and hold Grandy's hand for a photo. I didn't think Grandy was paying much attention at first but he soon started asking people to hold his hand for me. Of course everyone was anxious to participate, holding Grandy's hand was such an honor to all of his grandchildren.

Unfortunately I did not get everyone's hands, But here are those who I did get. The first is Nana and Grandy's hands. Those two held hands for 60+ years.

Everett Burley Blanton Jr.

Obituaries are a funny thing. I never thought about them or what tidbits you would choose for people to commerate someones life before this December. I walked into my Nana and Grandy's house the day after my Grandy's acesnsion to heaven to my Uncle nicely nominating me to take obituary notes. As I sat looking across the coffeet table at my Nana list off accomplishments and accrediations of Grandy's life I realized how much is still left out. I wanted to include every little detail to make readers understand the depth of the great life they were reading about. I got slightly irritated when Nana mentioned we needed to be conscious of length. Grandy deserved a full page of acknowledgment and celebration for being a selfless servant of the lord and leader to his family.

Getting over my irritation at limiting Grandy's accomplisments to a paragraph or two, I was so grateful my uncle had elected me to be the official notetaker-- because i got to sit across from my Nana and listen to her talk with such love and adoration about her partner of 60 years. I learned facts about him I never knew, like the fact that he was a JR. and his father shared his name. How after all the time I have spent with Grandy and talked about his life and family did I never realize he was Everett Burley Blanton Jr. I was floored and soon found out most of my cousins were in the dark with me.

Neverless, here is the details and accomplishments that were written in black and white for friends and family to read about this amazing man and his amazing life.
Everett Burley Blanton Jr. Amarillo Globe-News



Never Forget!

The Beginning

In the wake of one of the biggest life changes to hit my twenty-something life I have decided I need a spot to come to to capture my memories, lessons, and thoughts from 24 years of living with the greatest man I have ever known. This blog will serve as a very personal outlet for me as a way to honor my beloved Grandy.

Honestly I am not quite sure how to start documenting my years and years of memories with this amazing man, except to say that I do not believe on earth there will ever be a man to walk more closely in Jesus' footsteps. He lived a very full life and is now celebrating in his rewards.

Never Forget!