Yesterday was a very hard day. It was hard to watch Drew deal with so much sadness as he dealt with the realization of what his sister is going through.
It hurt me to see him struggling with so much grief. I have seen him cry only a handful of times since we have been dating, upon learning of my dad's passing, after a prayer said about my mom, the only time we have ever "questioned" our realationship, and once when I was lost dealing with the pain and grief in my own life. To see him continually break down yesterday when he had a moment to think about his sister was gut-wrenching.
I have tried to be strong for him, to keep him focused on the hope we have in the Lord. I have tried to keep his mother calm and focused on her duties as a grandmother to a 10 year old granddaughter who doesn't quite know when she will be able to hug her own mom again. I have tried to shield the 10 year old from people's talk about her mom's physical severity, tried to indulge her with ice cream and coloring books all the while remembering the grief and loss I still feel about my own parents.
Thanking God that we have hope in Jesus Christ and his promise of life through him.
3.14.2012
untitled
Lots of prayers being sent up today...
I learned yesterday that my dear sweet best friends Whitney and Jeremy were in an auto accident in Zambia a few days ago. They had a passenger with them who was seriously injured although the two of them are battling only light bruising and soreness. I am praying praying for their well being and that of their friend Mr. Jikata.
Early this morning Drew called with news that his sister was in an accident as well. She rolled her car on the way back to her home in Fritch. I just came from the hospital where she just came out of a "successful" surgery, successful meaning she is alive. Her right arm, which she uses for writing, was amputated and her left arm is still in serious condition. She has some bleeding in the brain which they are watching closely. She was ejected from her vehicle and landed on a barbed wire fence which has resulted in a cut from one side of her spinal cord all the way around her body the the other side. Just thanking the Lord it was not a complete tear through the spine. Deamber will be needing several more surgeries in the weeks to come and lots of time healing and rehabilitating with only one arm. She will be in ICU for awhile to help limit the amount of infection that enters her body. These next days will be critical. Drew was with her hours before the accident and is carrying alot of guilt on himself. Please keel Deamber, her daughter and son, as well as Drew all in your prayers.
I learned yesterday that my dear sweet best friends Whitney and Jeremy were in an auto accident in Zambia a few days ago. They had a passenger with them who was seriously injured although the two of them are battling only light bruising and soreness. I am praying praying for their well being and that of their friend Mr. Jikata.
Early this morning Drew called with news that his sister was in an accident as well. She rolled her car on the way back to her home in Fritch. I just came from the hospital where she just came out of a "successful" surgery, successful meaning she is alive. Her right arm, which she uses for writing, was amputated and her left arm is still in serious condition. She has some bleeding in the brain which they are watching closely. She was ejected from her vehicle and landed on a barbed wire fence which has resulted in a cut from one side of her spinal cord all the way around her body the the other side. Just thanking the Lord it was not a complete tear through the spine. Deamber will be needing several more surgeries in the weeks to come and lots of time healing and rehabilitating with only one arm. She will be in ICU for awhile to help limit the amount of infection that enters her body. These next days will be critical. Drew was with her hours before the accident and is carrying alot of guilt on himself. Please keel Deamber, her daughter and son, as well as Drew all in your prayers.
3.12.2012
Flower Theft
This weekend proved to be very uneventful which in light of last week was a blessing. We were very excited to welcome Aunt Cindy to Amarillo on Saturday. It is her first time to come up and see where Mom and Nana live so they were proud to show off their digs to her. I was grateful to have her here this morning as she graciously woke up at 5:30 to take me and mom to work out... being out of your car totally sucks! And just for the record I did not ask her to spend her vacation waking up that early, I was completely prepared to take the week off from working out until I got my car back. Alas she and Mom picked me up bright and early this morning and I wouldn't have had it any other way.
On Friday I went over to Mom and Nana's while Drew put in his first hours at Starlight for this season. Mom and I were walking back from taking out the trash and she made a B line for the backyard that is a couple houses down from theirs. I stood and watched as she walked over and pondered some yellow daffodils that had bloomed in the seemingly abandonded yard. She looked at me I instantly knew she was wanting to get this flowers for herself. I told her she probably shouldn't do that because we don't know if anyone lives there or not. So we walked back down the alley in silence. I walked into the house and sat on the couch, she however went straight for her mom to which I hear this conversations...
Mom: "Mom, there are some flowers down in that abandoned yard and Megan won't let me have them. Can I get them please?"
Nana: "Well honey if the yard is abandoned I don't see why not."
Thanks Nana for having my back on this one. Mom walked through the living room straight out the backdoor with a look of "yeah you just try and stop me on this one sista!"
I couldn't help but laugh. She was determined to get her flowers.
I stood back in the alley and watched as she shoveled up these flowers out of the neighbor's yard trying to come up with a story to tell the people we were going to come out of their house screaming at the lady stealing their flowers but noone ever showed and my Mom escaped with her flowers.
We replanted them in their backyard for her to enjoy for a couple of days until our next freeze comes. Her smile made it all worthwhile though!
3.08.2012
Sometimes You just need your Mom
Last night was part 2 of landlord saga.
I was very upset and couldn't be comforted by homemade spaghetti or wine. I think I hurt Drew's feelings a little bit because he wasn't what I needed either.
I simply needed my Mom. Needed to feel safe close to her.
So at 9:45 Drew took me to Mom and Nana's house where for the first time in days I felt ok. I had the best night's sleep and got to start my day with breakfast with them... nothing better!
3.07.2012
I was wrong.
There was a short period of lets say 2-3 weeks when things were on track, life seemed good, no big problems just smooth sailing. And I arrogantly and stupidly thought it was me.
Guess what, that smooth coasting has SMASHED into a giant brick wall.
Last night I got so sick with anxiety and stress from to situations exploding around me.
My landlords are up to their old antics trying to bully Neeley and I around again as we were waiting patiently on a house we had found to become available we found out they have way outpriced it so it's not even an option anymore...
I was sitting in a meeting for the cancer society ball discussing what I had been "authorized" to do for entertainment when a gripey old woman started running her mouth off at me...
My car has gone into the shop today so I am hitching rides all over town trying to save for my deductible whilst trying to prepare my equipment for next month's wedding and find a place to move...
I was so sick with tummy aches last night I couldn't even sleep. I am still feeling incredibly nauseas.
I then read my Jesus Calling..." LET ME HELP YOU THROUGH THIS DAY. THE CHALLENGES YOU FACE ARE FAR TO GREAT FOR YOU TO HANDLE ON YOUR OWN... CONSIDER IT ALL JOY WHEN YOU ARE ENVELOPED IN VARIOUS TRIALS, THESE ARE GIFTS FROM ME, REMINDING ME TO RELY ON ME ALONE."
Ok God. I get it. I CANT do this without you. Please guide us on your path.
Guess what, that smooth coasting has SMASHED into a giant brick wall.
Last night I got so sick with anxiety and stress from to situations exploding around me.
My landlords are up to their old antics trying to bully Neeley and I around again as we were waiting patiently on a house we had found to become available we found out they have way outpriced it so it's not even an option anymore...
I was sitting in a meeting for the cancer society ball discussing what I had been "authorized" to do for entertainment when a gripey old woman started running her mouth off at me...
My car has gone into the shop today so I am hitching rides all over town trying to save for my deductible whilst trying to prepare my equipment for next month's wedding and find a place to move...
I was so sick with tummy aches last night I couldn't even sleep. I am still feeling incredibly nauseas.
I then read my Jesus Calling..." LET ME HELP YOU THROUGH THIS DAY. THE CHALLENGES YOU FACE ARE FAR TO GREAT FOR YOU TO HANDLE ON YOUR OWN... CONSIDER IT ALL JOY WHEN YOU ARE ENVELOPED IN VARIOUS TRIALS, THESE ARE GIFTS FROM ME, REMINDING ME TO RELY ON ME ALONE."
Ok God. I get it. I CANT do this without you. Please guide us on your path.
3.05.2012
Letter
A man came in my office that reminded me of you today.
He had a big booming voice that resembled yours.
He talked of his battle with cancer and his optimism sounded like you speaking. I closed my eyes for a minute and imagined it was you paying me a visit.
My heart melted. I miss you so much.
Do you know that? Do you know that this life just isn't any fun without you in it?
I want so badly to run to you for guidance.
I was thinking through my desire to act in an irrational worldy manner about a problem I am having and then I wondered what you would say to me.
You would probably tell me to "be Jesus" in this situation. To act wisely. You wouldn't let me make quick decisions the way others could.
You always expected more of me... I knew that. I tried and am still trying to make you proud.
Are you proud of me? What do you think of the way things are going right now?
I wish you could give me a hug today.
I was remembering yesterday how you wanted me to flush Cooper down the toilet when I first got him, It made me laugh all over again. You were always so protective.
I wonder what your reaction was when you saw my Dad come to the Heavinly Realms. If you could cry did you? Were you proud?
I wonder how you spend your days in heaven? Do you check in on me?
I love you!
Never Forget
He had a big booming voice that resembled yours.
He talked of his battle with cancer and his optimism sounded like you speaking. I closed my eyes for a minute and imagined it was you paying me a visit.
My heart melted. I miss you so much.
Do you know that? Do you know that this life just isn't any fun without you in it?
I want so badly to run to you for guidance.
I was thinking through my desire to act in an irrational worldy manner about a problem I am having and then I wondered what you would say to me.
You would probably tell me to "be Jesus" in this situation. To act wisely. You wouldn't let me make quick decisions the way others could.
You always expected more of me... I knew that. I tried and am still trying to make you proud.
Are you proud of me? What do you think of the way things are going right now?
I wish you could give me a hug today.
I was remembering yesterday how you wanted me to flush Cooper down the toilet when I first got him, It made me laugh all over again. You were always so protective.
I wonder what your reaction was when you saw my Dad come to the Heavinly Realms. If you could cry did you? Were you proud?
I wonder how you spend your days in heaven? Do you check in on me?
I love you!
Never Forget
3.02.2012
Proud Daughter
Yesterday is an incredible day.
My mom was invited to speak at an Alzheimer's Education conference here in Amarillo. Just a short little talk about whatever she wanted to say about the disease.
She had written some thoughts of her own down on paper the week before and I simply connected the thoughts and typed them out for her to read.
She got up in front of an lecture hall full of people and spoke candidly about her disease. She spoke on her feelings in dealing with the changes and how it has effected her.
Needless to say she recieved a standing O from the audience. The doctor's who spoke before and after didn't even recieve that.
She stumbled through some words but it was a very real dipection of her daily struggles and her motivation to carry on.
The news came by to film part of the conference itself. I was asked to do a little interview on being a "caregiver" and once the reporter heard me talk of my mom she asked if they could come interview her at home. I told Mom what they wanted to do and she quickly replied..."well I am hungry." So after a celebratory lunch at Olive Garden she was interviewed by the news.
I am so very proud of her courage to tell her story. To really share what it is like for someone to live with Alzheimer's.
She motivated the entire audience and her family watching. The director of the Alz Association called me this morning to tell me that attendees had raved about my Mom on the evaluation forms they filled out. She was absolutely their favorite part of the entire day and she only spoke for about 5 minutes.
Here is a copy of her notes that she spoke from yesterday...
My name is Molly, I am 53 years old. I was a nurse for 29 years and have 3 children and 2 grandchildren. Last year on my birthday I was diagnosed with Early-Onset Alzheimer's disease.
When I First heard the news, my first thought was that my life was over at the age of 52. I thought this news was going to kill me. I have learned that with the love and support of my family and friends that I Can live with this disease.
Before I was diagnosed I was the director of a surgical center, now I can't work and other people manage my money for me. I even have to have help writing and recognizing letters in the alphabet. I am unable to drive own my car. I Can no longer work my computer, iPad and cell phone without lots of help. I can't do my own laundry and need help remembering to take my medicines.
Some days are more difficult than others, some days I don't want to get out of bed. The changes that come with this disease often seem too difficult to bear. Everything I have known about myself and my world around me keeps changing because of this disease. There are decisions I have made for myself all my life that I cannot make any longer and when someone else makes them for me I feel like a child.
Other days are much better. Being around my family helps me see hope in the future. They give me a reason to carry on and adapt to the new world around me. I couldn't do what I do without the love and support of my family and friends!
I plead with you to continue to love and encourage your loved ones fighting Alzheimer's. This is not an easy road to walk down and we rely heavily on our caregivers.
Although there is still no cure for dementia, If the disease is caught early enough there are medicines to take that can help to delay the progression. Exercising is very important to keeping the brain active, my daughter picks me up at 5:30 every morning for an hour long workout to keep my brain functioning. I am taking everything I can that is receiving good results in medical studies to delay progression such as a spoonful of coconut oil. Since there is not a cure and we don't even know what causes Alzheimer's we have to do all that we can to give ourselves a fighting chance.
I have so much left in this life to live for! I want to see my daughter and youngest son marry. I want to live to hear more grandchildren call me Nana. I want to travel and explore the world.
We are starting a local support group for people with Early-Onset Alzheimer's and dementia for those of us living with this disease. Please contact Tracy at the Alzheimer's Association.
We need to come together stronger than ever to FIGHT this disease and find a cure!!
She is a remarkable woman!
What a great way to kick off the weekend!
My mom was invited to speak at an Alzheimer's Education conference here in Amarillo. Just a short little talk about whatever she wanted to say about the disease.
She had written some thoughts of her own down on paper the week before and I simply connected the thoughts and typed them out for her to read.
She got up in front of an lecture hall full of people and spoke candidly about her disease. She spoke on her feelings in dealing with the changes and how it has effected her.
Needless to say she recieved a standing O from the audience. The doctor's who spoke before and after didn't even recieve that.
She stumbled through some words but it was a very real dipection of her daily struggles and her motivation to carry on.
The news came by to film part of the conference itself. I was asked to do a little interview on being a "caregiver" and once the reporter heard me talk of my mom she asked if they could come interview her at home. I told Mom what they wanted to do and she quickly replied..."well I am hungry." So after a celebratory lunch at Olive Garden she was interviewed by the news.
I am so very proud of her courage to tell her story. To really share what it is like for someone to live with Alzheimer's.
She motivated the entire audience and her family watching. The director of the Alz Association called me this morning to tell me that attendees had raved about my Mom on the evaluation forms they filled out. She was absolutely their favorite part of the entire day and she only spoke for about 5 minutes.
Here is a copy of her notes that she spoke from yesterday...
My name is Molly, I am 53 years old. I was a nurse for 29 years and have 3 children and 2 grandchildren. Last year on my birthday I was diagnosed with Early-Onset Alzheimer's disease.
When I First heard the news, my first thought was that my life was over at the age of 52. I thought this news was going to kill me. I have learned that with the love and support of my family and friends that I Can live with this disease.
Before I was diagnosed I was the director of a surgical center, now I can't work and other people manage my money for me. I even have to have help writing and recognizing letters in the alphabet. I am unable to drive own my car. I Can no longer work my computer, iPad and cell phone without lots of help. I can't do my own laundry and need help remembering to take my medicines.
Some days are more difficult than others, some days I don't want to get out of bed. The changes that come with this disease often seem too difficult to bear. Everything I have known about myself and my world around me keeps changing because of this disease. There are decisions I have made for myself all my life that I cannot make any longer and when someone else makes them for me I feel like a child.
Other days are much better. Being around my family helps me see hope in the future. They give me a reason to carry on and adapt to the new world around me. I couldn't do what I do without the love and support of my family and friends!
I plead with you to continue to love and encourage your loved ones fighting Alzheimer's. This is not an easy road to walk down and we rely heavily on our caregivers.
Although there is still no cure for dementia, If the disease is caught early enough there are medicines to take that can help to delay the progression. Exercising is very important to keeping the brain active, my daughter picks me up at 5:30 every morning for an hour long workout to keep my brain functioning. I am taking everything I can that is receiving good results in medical studies to delay progression such as a spoonful of coconut oil. Since there is not a cure and we don't even know what causes Alzheimer's we have to do all that we can to give ourselves a fighting chance.
I have so much left in this life to live for! I want to see my daughter and youngest son marry. I want to live to hear more grandchildren call me Nana. I want to travel and explore the world.
We are starting a local support group for people with Early-Onset Alzheimer's and dementia for those of us living with this disease. Please contact Tracy at the Alzheimer's Association.
We need to come together stronger than ever to FIGHT this disease and find a cure!!
She is a remarkable woman!
What a great way to kick off the weekend!
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