This feels like a contradiction to all that I have lived for especially in the past several years. Desperately wanting to spend every available second with my Mom soaking in all that she is... but waiting on death to knock on her door I yearn for her freedom from her broken body. I simultaneously long and dread for her last breath because I know as she goes into her freedom and promise of God’s kingdom I am left behind without her. Days of sitting vigil at her bedside has made this an out of body experience, counting breaths from what seems like a long nap. It feels right and wrong all at the same time.
“I assure you: you will weep and wail; you will become sorrowful, but your sorrow will turn to Joy”
John 16:20
So death we wait for you scared of the sorrow you will bring, the emptiness that awaits no matter how “ready” we may be but terrified you will not show and Mom will go on suffering in this another day.
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