2.26.2017

Hope in Tomorrow

 

Seven month ago on a night much like this I cried myself into a restless sleep. I knew the next day would be one of the hardest of my life for I was charged with placing my young 57 year old mom into a Memory Care facility. I believed that she would be well cared for, I believed that this is what was best for her and what I had to to for my family. I cried for days, weeks after as I watched her continuously slip away. It wasn't always bad. I do believe some of the people who worked there loved my mom and cared for her as best they could but it was never the care she deserved. Over the last month I have witnessed a decline in behavior that has broken my heart into a million pieces. Mom began to act out violently towards other residents and staff members. It was slow at first and small things but as the staffing began to change in personnel it increased. I watched as this disease continued to strip away another layer of my compassionate mom. A woman who spent her life giving and caring for others became a threat to the other people in the unit. With inexperienced staff "caring" for her she became a prisoner in not only the small Memory Care unit but became imprisoned in a room surrounded by 4 walls. She was left for hours to fend for herself and her aggression grew. She had her dignity taken from her. She was treated in a manner no one deserved to be treated much less someone with a terminal illness. Compassion and empathy went out the window and she became a scapegoat for a facility in turmoil. Placing your family member outside of the home is tramatic and makes you feel guilty enough without adding neglect onto your loved one. It is the hardest decision someone makes for a family member they love and would want nothing but to provide the absolute best care at home. It's a decision no one should face but especially not at the tender age of 30 and 57.

Tonight I lay awake excitedly unable to sleep because I believe God has answered our prayers. He is delivering her tomorrow morning into a place full of compassionate care. She will be surrounded by one on one care. Treated like a human being. Showered with love. She will be fed and hydrated and cleaned. She will have some resemblance of the life she deserves. At least that is the hope and the prayer but I don't think it can be any worse. 

Mom I am so sorry for what you have gone through. Specifically the past month. You deserve the best care in the world! I will stop at nothing to find it for you. I think tomorrow will be a giant leap in the right direction! I don't think I will sleep any tonight because I am so exited for you. 

2.24.2017

Everett turns 3



My precious Everett Tristan Neal, Monday was your 3rd birthday and I cannot believe it! You have grown so much so quickly. You seem  so very grown up but you are still the sweetest little boy in the world!!

Everett you still love all things Dinosaur and if you could have you would have had another dinosaur party this year for your birthday. You don't just like dinosaurs you like to know their technical names. You run around calling out a Triceratops from a Maiasaura and a T-Rex from a Long Neck. It has really challenged your Dad and I to brush up on our Dino knowledge. We got you a big book with all different dinosaurs in it and their names. You Love it!! I gave you the choice of Cars, Trains, or Animals and you choose "Choo Choo's" So this year we celebrated with a Choo Choo Party. I of course dressed you up like a train conductor for your pictures and you are the cutest sweetest little train conductor I have ever ever seen!




Everett you remain a picky eater. We can only get you to eat well if it is chicken, noodles, or cheese (grilled cheese or quesadilla.) You love applesauce and yogurt. You are very particular about the snacks you have and choose different things everyday. You absolutely Love apple juice! In the mornings you come in and ask for "Wawalles" (waffles) and milk and are very good about drinking it all up.




In the past few months you have developed a new habit of coming into our room in the middle of the night and crawling into bed with us. We would take you back 4 times a night and you just kept coming. Finally we brought back your sound machine and it has helped your midnight wakings. You used to sleep until 8 or 9 in the morning but now you are up at 5:30. This has been especially tough on your Mama who has never been a morning person. You come crawl in bed with us and lay there until your Dad gets up to get ready for work. We put you down to bed around 8 PM.  You still sleep with Meyer and a paci. The paci must be a specific one though, you refuse to use any but a few specific paci's and this can be incredibly frustrating to hunt down these few paci's when they continuously disappear. Along with Meyer and your paci you take an armful of toys with you to bed each night to keep you company. Every morning I clean out your bed and we start it over again the next day.

Everett you are fiercly protective of your sister. You are really enjoying getting to play with her unless she touches one of your hundred dinosaurs. She chases you in her walker and you think it is the funnest thing ever. We are still working on helping you learn she is still to little to wrestle with though. If anyone messes with your sister though you are the first to speak up to her defene and the first to come get me when she is crying or awake. You are such a sweet and loving big brother!



There are some other people that you absolutely love and that includes your Nana's. It has gotten so hard and confusing to distinguish between Gran-Nana and Nana so they just kind of run together. However you always refer to Reilly (Gran-Nana's dog) when talking about her. You love to go play cars at her house and lay on the couch and have her tickle your back.  I get jealous because I remember loving to have her do that to my arm growing up. You ask me everyday to go over to see her. Your Nana is also one of your favorite people to see. We go up to visit her at the home she is in and you love to walk with her. She is very fast and quickly can get out of view so you run after her. There are a few other residents there you have grown to be a fan of and you yell out their names when you see them. Everett you light up those people's faces in a way that hasn't been done in a very long time. You are so precious about giving them all high-fives and a big smile. I am so proud of you for being so compassionate at such a young age and not being afraid. You are such a big boy that you now walk into bible class on Sunday Mornign and Wednesday nights with a wave bye bye and no tears. When we get you out at the end of service you walk around saying Hi to anyone around that is listening. You can be quite the little social butterfly!


Everett you crack us up constantly! We are shocked by the things you are picking up on so very quickly! We have tried to work with you on numbers with some resistance from you then all of a sudden one day you were counting to 10 on  your own. I have to continually remind myself that you are stubborn and will do things in your own time. Most recently this has showed up in potty training. We bought you some cool big boy underwear that you love to look at but tell us "NO POTTY" when we talk about sitting on your little toilet. I have even offered to bribe you with animal toys, which you love, but you don't care one bit and want absolutely nothing to do with the potty. I am sure one day you will just decide on your own to do it when you are ready!




Your favorite show right now to watch is the Lion Guard on Disney. You have collected all the little figures and shout out their names as they come on the screen. You rotate your movie preference from Toy Story, Monster's Inc., Ice Age, and Frozen. You discovered Frozen right before Christmas and were a big fan very quickly! When we are in the store you shout out "ANNA, ELSA" If you see something from it. It is pretty funny!

Everett I could not imagine you being a sweeter, more loving little boy if I had gotten to create you myself. You Love to be held by Mom and love to wrestle with Dad. We are so proud of you every single day! We are beyond blessed to get to be your parents and have a front row seat to  your discovery of the world around you. I cannot believe 3 years have already gone by since we first laid eyes on you. My heart continues to grow every day with love for you in ways I never knew were possible.  Happy 3rd Birthday my beautiful boy!



Happy Valentines Day!

We are full of Love over here this Valentine's Day!!




2.06.2017

Haven's 10 Month update


Haven Molly you are such an absolute delightful mess! You my sweet little lovey manage to get into anything and EVERYTHING in the blink of an eye. You are learning to be very independent, as long as you have your eye on someone in the room with you. You like to take toys from your brother and paci's from anyone who has them around you.


Haven, you have had a few nights of sleeping through from 8 PM to 8:30 AM which has been AWESOME! However there have still been a few nights here lately where you insist on waking up at 2:30 AM. You stand up in your crib and scream from the side. You have been working really hard at getting new teeth in. You now have 4 on top and bottom. This has made chewing yummy foods all the more easier!



Moving around the house continues to be so easy for you. Lately you have become an expert at standing up and walking with the help of whatever furniture you have to hold on to. When there is nothing to cling to you are a super fast crawler even though the floor is painfully hard. You continue to babble more and more and although you are an expert at saying "Dada," "Mama" is still not quite in your vocab yet. You love to try and mimmick the animal noises that your brother is running around making. You also have this little "HA" laugh that you like to do  and it is absolutely hilarious and adorable.

Haven you are ornery, hillarious, stubborn and a bit dramatic. Basically a typical Blanton woman! It has started so early.  I couldn't love watching you grow and learn any more than I do each day! I am honored and to get to be your Mom little love!!


58.



This past Wednesday was Mom's 58th Birthday. Her birthday is such a bittersweet day to me. It means we get to celebrate another year of life which is such an accomplishment but with each year we add another mark to how long she has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease. This year makes it 6. With each January 18th that rolls around I think "how can it get worse? how can I lose her more?" and then the year continues and I see how it gets worse and she seems further and further away from the Mom I remember.

The past 5 months have been particulary hardest for me. Getting to the point of realization of knowing that we have to move her to a full time care unit was difficult but actually placing her there was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. It seemed like we have been on a continuously steep declining slope since the move. Little glimpses of hope would come here and there, hope of seeing a small bit of Mom again.

The week and a half before her birthday Mom began to stand upright again. This was HUGE! We hadn't seen her face and eyes without getting down on the floor and looking up at her since August. All of a sudden she was walking down the halls, head up, eyes up, smile coming at me. It has been the greatest blessing.

I wanted to do something special for her birthday. I have wanted to take her to Outback Steakhouse, her favorite restaurant, for a long while but with her not sitting still and not sitting up it seemed impossible. With her standing up straight the week before her birthday and having good day after good day after good day I began to think it may just be an attainable goal. Patrick and Taren flew in  and we planned to meet family at Outback for an early birthday lunch. To my amazement she sat still head high through the entire meal. She laughed at things, she cried as her Mom's card was read aloud, she devoured her steak. I could not have asked that her lunch go any better! She was awesome. It was amazing! I am so thankful for that lunch. To get to take her out to do something she loved. To get to spend a little time feeling slightly normal with her.

The weeks after have been hard. I cling to the memory of her smile and laugh as she enjoys the simple pleasures of her favorite food and the joy of celebrating her!

Happy 58th Mom! Forever and Always you are my absolute HERO!