Cancer would be better

Alzheimer's- Dementia is a vicious disease. I loathe it's existence.

My Mom is very aware that there are things she cannot do, things she should be able to do. Things she sees other's around her doing and knows she can't. This makes her angry and sad. Trying to reason with her is like reasoning with a brick wall. She knows what she knows and there is no defying that.
She is jealous of Kelsey because she knows Kelsey has a "brain thing" but can work her iphone, tv, ipad and Mom cannot.

I watched my Dad die of cancer, witnessed the pain and anguish he experienced. The years of battling against it with chemo and radiation. Days I would spend crying for him and what he was having to fight through. It broke my heart to watch that, yet he was able to fight. He went into remission at one point and was able to live his life with a new found appreciation for what he had been through.

At times I think it would be so much easier if my mom had cancer. She would have a chance to fight for her life. I don't write that to discount in any way those who have fought, won or lost against cancer. I have known and loved both! But she doesn't have a chance to fight. She has two medications that may possibly help slow down her dementia but this disease is on a path of destruction and it is only gaining speed. And she knows all she can do is sit back and watch it wipe away the life she knows.

Lately she has been telling me more and more that she "just needs to go somewhere where people can help her" because she "can't do this." The thought of putting her in a home at this point cripples me. I know that at that point her disease will accelerate beyond comprehension and I cannot bear to lose her any quicker than I am already.

For the things she can't remember I am shocked by those that she does. Out of no where she will get agitated and disgusted that she "doesn't have the money to help those people." After fighting to figure out what in the world she is talking about we finally stumble on the topic of the Alzheimer's Walk. "YES! Those people need our help!" The disease hasn't destroyed that yet... the innate need to help others.

I don't often allow myself to wallow in self pity. There are times though where I just curse the world and this terrible disease. My life has not been a walk in the park, although much easier than other's i know. and I know that God never promised it would be easy. but sometimes after a long day, after another phone call that Mom is upset with Nana for what? She doesn't even know. After she tells me she just wants to go be with Jesus one to many times. I call out and ask Why Her? Why this way? Why so young and not when she is in her 70's like other people? Why couldn't we have more years of happiness together instead of so many broken ones? Why?!

The answers I will never get, at least not on this earth. It doesn't help to ask but sometimes you just have to.

So for now we do what we can. We wake up with a new morning and hopes of a better day than the one before.

And right now we are trying to do what we can to help find a cure for this disease. At Mom's insistence and request we are participating in the Alzheimer's Walk again this year in Amarillo. Believe me when I tell you that she knows about every donation and each brings tears to her eyes. She knows you donate because you love her and want to do what you can to show her that. She is holding each in a very special place in her heart.

So for those of you who are interested you can go to www. alz.org/walk and search for my name, Megan Neal to make a donation to our team Miles for Molly.

I appreciate your love and support for us through this time. Your prayers are felt because without them we wouldn't not be able to make it through the days.

A trip to Alvin

For the past few years  Mom and I have been saying that we need to take a trip back down to Alvin, TX (outside of Houston) to visit friends. Ryan, Patrick and I were born in Houston and my parent's lived down there for a long little while. Alvin is where my Parent's were happy newlyweds for awhile, where they grew their family, where they were active members of the church, where my Mom got her nursing degree, where lifelong friends were made, and ultimately where my family fell apart.
Throughout it all there were people left behind in Alvin once Mom moved us to Abilene who have and will always love her, love us. I was 4 when we moved from Alvin, the memories I have are limited but cemented in gold.

It seems like life always has another agenda instead of us making the trip down. The 12 hour drive was a deterrent enough honestly but after the past few years revolving around weddings and babies I felt like we would run out of time for Mom to get down there before the right time came along. If not now then things would come up and she may never to get see these friends and remember them. So two weeks ago I texted our friend Linda ,who was one of the biggest supporters of my Mom and Dad during their time in Alvin, to see if we could come for a visit the next week. She had no hesitations!

We planned it for the week after Tammy and Kelsey moved in with Mom and Nana, knowing the chaos would cause Mom some frustration and that having her out of the house while things got settled would be ideal. Drew maybe thought I was crazy to take a week long trip with Mom and Everett by myself.  Truth be told I thought I was a little crazy myself.

We left on Monday from Amarillo and drove to Keller to spend the night with Uncle Pat and Aunt Paula to help break up the trip. On our way there Ryan called with news that they are expecting their next baby! Then we left Mom's purse in a Target which caused a small breakdown on her part. Uncle Pat to the rescue and after dinner with the Blanton Family there, as well as Patrick and Taren who came over from Dallas we rested up for a 5 hour drive the next day.

Everett is a wonderful traveler right now and Mom gave him bottles when he was hungry. We pulled into Alvin about 4 and were greeted with instant love and excitement from Linda Talley. She made us feel completely at home and welcome. We spent the next day packed with visitors from precious friends. Wanda Davis Oehlert drove over from College Station with her grandson and photo albums to share with Mom. I was a little worried about how well Mom would remember people but she did great! She cried and held hands with Wanda and when she couldn't think of what else to say she would tell her how much she loved her. After Wanda left Bill and Joyce Davenport came over for a long while. They had employed my Dad at their business and been there for my parents through it all. We had a nice visit with them, Mom's focus was primarily on Bill's health as we had received word last year he had been having some problems. She cried some more and showered them with love as they did her.

 

For dinner that night we were visited by Linda's daughter Renee' and her family. It was a wonderful ending to a day filled with old friends. Mom was deeply moved by all the love she was shown and the memories she had locked away in her heart.

We spent the next day with Linda, Renee' and Evan, Renee's son, as the took us to the local Bucee's and then to the mall to spend some time.  Initially I thought I would be nostalgic to see all the old houses my parent's lived in, where their lives were lived there as it was the last place they were somewhat happy together. I thought I would want to spend a few days in the past but upon leaving I was glad we didn't do that. I didn't need to carry those places with me as I have few memories of those times and that is probably just as well. I felt resolved in the fact that now as an adult I have made a bond on my own with a woman who was there when I was born and knew me as a child.  and I can carry on the friendships my Mom started all those many years ago.

 

A little bit of lately...

 

 

Everett is growing up quickly before I eyes. He is learning to enjoy his first foods which have thus far included apples (a little tart for him) carrots (he manages to get more on his bib than in his tummy) and rice cereal which he drinks like a champ. I have been staying home with him for a month now and our days are never the same but always feel blessed to be together.

Everett has a major fan club here in Amarillo among his family but one of the ones who has but completely captivated by our sweet boy is Aunt Charlotte, Nana's youngest sister. She has been experiencing some trouble with her memory and her personality has seemed to be slowly slipping away but when she is with Everett there is such Joy in her eyes. It has been such a delight to be able to see him bring that to her. She and Doss have been stopping by Mom and Nana's house much more often lately on hopes of catching Everett there.

 

I was so excited for the 4th of July this year as it was Everett's first real holiday! Mom had bought him the cutest shirt and shorts to wear and I was dying to take pictures of him in it with the boytie I made him and a hat she had bought him for Easter. His Daddy wanted to match him in his red white and blue. I hate I didn't get a family picture of us all together. We had a great time grilling hamburgers with our family here and then took Everett to the park to watch Fireworks. He drank his bottle for the first half of the firework show but by the end he was alert and watching. It was such a great day made all the better by getting to experience it for the first time with Everett!

 

 

A Shower for Norah Renee'

A few weeks ago I was honored to be a hostess for a baby shower for Neeley honoring her precious daughter Norah Renee' (named for her Mimi and I!)

Norah will be 6 months behind Everett and they are already best of friends. Every time Neeley holds Everett Norah kicks up a storm, we know she is trying to communicate to her buddy. Neeley found out she was pregnant in late Novemeber while I was entering my last trimester with Everett. Although we didn't get to be pregnant for long together it has been so fun to go through this experience so close together and that our babies will be so close in age to one another.

Neeley's theme for Norah's nursery is very light and sweet. Lots of light colors with a vintage twist, elegant gray furniture. So for the shower we went with a kind of birdcage theme because we had some cool stuff to decorate with already but also we could play off of Neeley's nursery theme a little with it also. I had fun making a few things for the shower that we decorated with.

One of my favorite parts of preparing for the shower was working on some cucumber sandwiches with Nana. The week before the shower Nana told me about when she and her friends used to hostess showers they would make cucumber sandwiches with special bread and tint the bread the color of the gender for the baby. We spent one day visiting bakeries trying to find the perfect bread, another day testing out the recipe, a third making all the filling for the sandwiches and tinting them pink and a final day spreading and cutting the sandwiches. It was fun to spend the week working with Nana on something she was so excited about. We had an abundance of cucumber sandwiches but the days spent with her were some I will never forget.

It was such a fun and special day celebrating Norah and her Mom! We cannot wait for her to get her!!