Wedding Week: Part Two

So when Drew and I first started talking about having a wedding in Santa Fe one of the biggest concerns, next to no one coming, was if Nana could be there. I refused to have a wedding that Nana would not be able to attend, after all Nana is not just a grandmother to me she is a second mother and by gosh I wasn't getting married without her. With Nana's health condition and mostly her heart the altitude was a bit of a big question mark in Santa Fe. Several years ago when we used to have a family cabin in New Mexico that Grandy helped build the Schmidt clan, Nana, Grandy and I were spending a week vacation up there... Nana started to have trouble breathing and I had to drive Nana and Grandy home after only being there a day or so. She hadn't returned to the mountains since. She convinced me that she would absolutely be at our wedding should we have it in Santa Fe and so we began to plan.



Fast forward to 6 months later and we have all arrived in Santa Fe on Thursday for a wedding on Saturday. We spent the afternoon walking around and exploring the plaza for a few hours. Drew and I take Nana back to the room to rest for a bit while we meet with our wedding coordinator to go over the mountains of boxes full of decor we have brought. After a quick and productive meeting organizing and explaining my vision for the wedding we head back to the suite Mom, Nana and I are sharing. There we find that Aunt Tammy has arrived and has called in oxygen from some Amarillo doctors for Nana who has felt dizzy and lightheaded since arriving. While we wait for the oxygen and give her some time to acclimate to the surroundings the rest of the family sits out on the patio by the fire drinking a much deserved beer. It is getting dark outside and we begin to realize that we need dinner.  My brothers, Peyton, Neeley, Lane, Drew and I begin to figure out what our options might be for dinner. At this moment in time Aunt Tammy announces she is staying with Nana and everyone should go eat dinner without her. Rhonda and her kids are here and decide they will do their own thing. Next thing I know my Mom is extremely anxious and upset, about what I am not sure... I see Rhonda chasing after her as she is headed off somewhere at the resort with her purse in hand. I try to talk to Mom after chasing after them  but I am at this moment the absolutely wrong person to address her issues, this happens sometimes and I credit Alzheimer's disease for this.... Instead of responses I get blank stares of anger. I retreat back to my brother's hotel room for cover and Neeley goes out to try and talk Mom down. Eventually we decide to go for dinner and trudge on with the night. As I am waiting valet to bring up or car with Drew we run into Rhonda who is getting her car to take Nana to the hospital. Drew gets a wheelchair and finds Nana sitting on a bench with Aunt Tammy in the middle of the resort to tired to make it to the car. Nana makes it to the car, she goes to the ER with Aunt Tammy and Rhonda and we decide that instead of the rest of us ALL going to sit in the hospital the best thing is to continue with our plan to eat. I am immediately worried sick about Nana and what is happening but try to put on my game face... luckily I have my rock in Drew beside me who keeps me standing up, unfortunately his job will get tougher as the night goes on.



Mom, Patrick, Ryan, Neeley, Lane, Kelsey, Peyton, Drew and I are all eating at the San Fransisco Bar and Grill for an interesting New Mexican dinner. I have managed to work my way back into my Mom's good graces with us both offering apologies without either of us knowing what for. Peyton keeps us entertained through dinner by painting her face with dark brown eye shadow and covering her lips with lip gloss. She would look up at me and ask how she looks to which I would respond Oh So Beautiful Princess! As we are preparing to leave the restaurant I must have looked at my Mom wrong or mis-stepped because she was at once given me terrible looks and not speaking to me. I am at my wits end by this point feeling as though the way I am being treated by Mom, who at this time in my life I want to be sharing each moment and enjoying this special time with, is completely unjust. After we part angrily, Mom to the hospital to visit Nana and Drew and I decide to walk the mile to La Posada from the restaurant. It is in these quiet walks with Drew when I feel like I want to collapse from exhaustion, Drew keeps me focused on what is the meaning of the moment. Reminding me constantly that this weekend is about he and I, about our commitment to one another, our bond, and strength in our relationship. He reminds me that this is not my Mom but Alzheimer's rearing it's ugly head with it's personality that causes these tantrums.

We returned to my hotel room where my fears and tears worsened once we received news that the Doctor's evaluating Nana thought she might have had a heart attack. It is in the moments that I turn to prayer but my mind also seeks out the worst resolution... Nana not making it to the wedding, Nana dying in Santa Fe and it being all my fault, Why did we have to have our stupid wedding here, we need to call it off.
As my brother's kept my Mom in their room Drew let me cry uncontrollably on the bed for what felt like hours. At some point late in the evening desperately waiting for news and seeking some comfort. I turned to my closest friends for prayers sending out an urgent text to them. These few who knew how important Nana is to me. Mom came back to the room and we drifted off to sleep without anymore news from the hospital.