My Heart Hurts

I lay awake at night missing you.

I think about all the times I took for granted getting to be with you.

Memories pop in my head of you driving up to my office at State Farm in Abilene and giving me a "Mother's Love" ring from James Avery. You told me that the heart signified a mother and child, and even though I wasn't a mother I was your child and that heart was of you and I. I hate that I was to embarassed to wear it then because I didn't want people to think I was a mother when I wasn't. Now I wear it not only because I am a mom now but because the memory of you giving it to me is something I hold on to dearly.

I hate the time that has been stolen from us.

I am saddened by the stories I will never get to hear you tell.

I still need you. I still need to be taught by you, My Mom.

I need you daily. I miss you every moment. Sometimes I tell you that I miss you, your eyes swell up with tears and you say you miss me too. I think in these moments you know what I mean.... and other times you get huffy and say well I haven't seen you in weeks, even though I saw you the day before.

You have been working ridiculously hard lately in your room moving cluttered stack from one corner to the other. You spend hours busily working away, to the outside world it would look like nothing has been done but I can tell the piles have moved. You say you just want to make it "Beautiful!"

I love how much you love Everett. You adore him even though sometimes you are not quite sure what to do with him. Your not too comfortable with him crawling all over now, you go pick him up and sit with him.

Sometimes I think Heaven can't come soon enough so I can get you back. In some ways I feel like we never really got to have our time. One of us always taking the other for granted. Is that how life is? we never appreciate what we have, the relationships we have.

I am so proud of you. You are courageous and brave. I wish you could understand how much I love you! How my heart swells with love for you but I think in some ways you do!

Instagram Recap From Aug-Nov

I feel really bad for all of my Instagram followers because truly all I post are pictures of Everett. I have become "that" mom who thinks everyone else wants to see picture after picture after precious picture of her child. But seriously they do don't they?!!

For those who aren't on Instagram here are some of the pics I've shared recently!

Halloween with a couple of infants

I think it may have been one of our most low-key Halloween's ever.

I was determined that Everett would be an elephant for his first Halloween, and he did not disappoint. I think he was the cutest Elephant ever made!

There is not much to do with an 8 month old for Halloween. He can't eat the candy and could careless about trick or treating but as his first Halloween ever I wanted to get in the spirit somewhat and show off our little cutie.

We have a neighborhood here in Amarillo, Wolfin, that is full of old beautiful big houses where people swarm to trick or treat. It feels like the scene of a movie, the houses are all decorated, the people handing out candy are all dressed up and there are hundreds of kids in costumes, and some adults. Neeley and I really wanted to spend soak up Halloween with our kids in Wolfin. So we first took Everett and Norah in their costumes, she was a ballerina, to see Nana and my Mom. After some quick photos we ran the kids over to see Aunt Charlotte and Doss, who are both completely smitten with the babies. We then rushed home to pick up our husbands and off to Woflin we went. It was the coolest night of fall so far and Norah was asleep and bundled up as she was pushed around. Everett was people watching from his stroller, calm and quiet as a cucumber. He could have cared less! We walked around for a few minutes and watched the big kids trick or treat. We took some pictures to document Everett's first halloween and then we went home! Drew didn't get to participate in Halloween last year since he had school that night, he made up for it this year by wearing his Duck Dynasty wig and beard.

Very low key but very memorable!!

Burt's Bees Buds

While Neeley was still preggers with Norah she became slightly obsessed with shopping for her new girl and found the most precious outfits for Everett and Norah to wear together! For anyone who hasn't experienced the sheer amazingness of Burt's Bee's Organic baby clothes... they are PRECIOUS and AMAZING!! Everett's was a 9 month size and Norah's was for a newborn and our goal was to take their pics as soon as possible after Norah's birth. Well that didn't happen. 3 months later we finally got them together one morning in their outfits and the results were well worth the wait!!!

 

Norah's facial expression didn't change once, except when she started crying because Everett kept grabbing her face, hat, clothes, trying to eat her face and hands. They are adorable to watch together. Everett is fascinated with his buddy, always wanting to have a hand on her. Precious! These two are going to give us a big run for our money in a few short months!!

Hide and Seek

For the past 45 minutes I have been playing "hide and seek" with Everett. While he is turned around I run to hide in either his room, the bathroom, or our bedroom and call out to him. He quickly comes looking for me in his walker and when I jump out he cracks up laughing! His laughter is the sweetest sound I have ever heard!! A day spent shooing him out of the kitchen away from frying bacon and hot ovens where he just wanted to be near me and I thought I might literally go crazy has just ended with the sweetest moments playing and laughing together!

Motherhood can be overwhelming, exhausting, and full of anxiety but there is absolutely nothing like it. This love I have for my little guy can truly not be described! I know every mother before and after me knows exactly what I feel but sometimes it knocks me off my feet! Sometimes all I can do is acknowledge it and bask in these moments when to this little boy, I am his entire world!

Everett... I ADORE YOU!!!!!

Fall Pictures of Everett

 Happy First Halloween from our little Elephant!!

Everett and I have spent a lot of time at home lately taking pictures. I have found a new Joy in photography that had previously burnt out in me from being bogged down with wedding photography over the past couple of years. Getting to dress Everett up, or strip him down and put him in fun scenes when it suites our moods has been an absolute blast for me. Finally getting to use all my "photography pins" on Pinterest for my own purpose and enjoyment of documenting my precious Boys life.  So here are a few we have taken over the past week, Soaking up every bit of Fall we can!

Everett's 8 Month Update

Precious little boy is 8 months old! Needless to say our love grows every single day as his personality continues to shine.

Everett you are a moving machine. You love to roll over and over and over. You are also crawling, we can't keep you in one place. I can't believe you are big enough to be moving so much on your own! You are also learning to pull yourself up. The first time you did it was in the bathtub, we started putting you in a laundry basket in the tub instead of your infant tub. You love it! I was turning half-way around telling your Dad that we needed to lower your crib because you were so close to pulling yourself up when I turned around and you were pulling yourself up in the tub! So your Dad went right to your room and lowered your crib down. I am loving now that you can crawl over to me and pull up on my legs when you want to be held.

Everett you have developed this new laugh that is like you are trying to cough and laugh at the same time. It cracks me up. Your real laugh comes out when we tickle your thighs, blow on your feet or tummy, or give you kisses on your neck. Its a beautiful sound!

It is official, your first word is most definitely "Mama!" I heard it before but finally you said it in front of other people who no longer think that I am crazy. I am beyond ecstatic that Mama is your first word and now we are working on getting you to say "Dada." No luck yet!

Everett you have 8 teeth! 4 on top and 4 on bottom and I do believe you are the youngest infant ever to have this many teeth!!

You have mastered the "grunt" and it is hilarious!! Your dad is convinced you got that from me, and I agreed until we were sitting in the living room one night and your Dad was working on his homework when the biggest grunt came from him and I immediately switched sides...  you definitely get it from him! Along with your looks, you are the spitting image of your Dad and I can a finally admit to seeing it. 

Your Dad bought you a walker the other day, he had been dying to get you one for a long time and couldn't hold off until Christmas. Now you are roaming all over the house! You follow me from room to room as best you can during the day. You were a quick learner and are now speeding all over the house, and ramming into things like your in a bumper car. It's a joy to watch you discover new parts of the house on your own!

You are becoming more and more aware of food around you and you are not happy when you can't have any of it! You try your hardest to climb up to the table to reach any and all food.

Everett you had several firsts this month: Visit to the Pumpkin Patch, Riding in your Wagon, Swinging at the Park, Sucking your thumb, Tub bath, Matching outfit with Norah, Football game, and Chocolate Chip Cookie.

Everett we adore  you and every single day with you!