I think about all the times I took for granted getting to be with you.
Memories pop in my head of you driving up to my office at State Farm in Abilene and giving me a "Mother's Love" ring from James Avery. You told me that the heart signified a mother and child, and even though I wasn't a mother I was your child and that heart was of you and I. I hate that I was to embarassed to wear it then because I didn't want people to think I was a mother when I wasn't. Now I wear it not only because I am a mom now but because the memory of you giving it to me is something I hold on to dearly.
I hate the time that has been stolen from us.
I am saddened by the stories I will never get to hear you tell.
I still need you. I still need to be taught by you, My Mom.
I need you daily. I miss you every moment. Sometimes I tell you that I miss you, your eyes swell up with tears and you say you miss me too. I think in these moments you know what I mean.... and other times you get huffy and say well I haven't seen you in weeks, even though I saw you the day before.
You have been working ridiculously hard lately in your room moving cluttered stack from one corner to the other. You spend hours busily working away, to the outside world it would look like nothing has been done but I can tell the piles have moved. You say you just want to make it "Beautiful!"
I love how much you love Everett. You adore him even though sometimes you are not quite sure what to do with him. Your not too comfortable with him crawling all over now, you go pick him up and sit with him.
Sometimes I think Heaven can't come soon enough so I can get you back. In some ways I feel like we never really got to have our time. One of us always taking the other for granted. Is that how life is? we never appreciate what we have, the relationships we have.
I am so proud of you. You are courageous and brave. I wish you could understand how much I love you! How my heart swells with love for you but I think in some ways you do!
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