Thankful for every moment

Our "two week" timeline given to us after Mom's incident has come and gone. When I was given the initial prognosis from those who seemed to be knowledgeable and have first hand experience I spent every second walking around feeling like there was a hole in me. I felt nauseated every moment of every day. I felt like there was a huge blockage in my own throat and I couldn't seem to find my breaths or swallow. I spent several days in this state just imagining the world without her and crying all the time.  Jumping every single time the phone rang thinking this was the news I was dreading. Haven would wake up at night and I would just hold her for hours weeping into her sweet little head. As days went by and Mom seemed to recover somewhat  and I let myself relax, breathe. I remembered what an unusual case my Mom is. Diagnosed with EOA at 52, living with it for 6 years. Medicine never works the way it typically does with Alzheimer's patients because of her age. So I thought that the people who "know" best don't know her. They don't know how strong she is, what a fighter she is. I let myself believe that we would have more time with her.

It has been over a month and a half now since Mom's incident in the hospital. She has good days and bad days.  Some days she can walk, some days she can't. Some day's she can swallow with a straw some days she can't.  Her talking is slurred but she still gets her point across. It is hard to get time to with her to just sit and be. Mostly the kids and I pick her up in the mornings and we go for drives. Drive around the park looking at Dogs playing and bunnies running. We drive around neighborhoods,  we get car washes, some days we go to Nana's and sit. Every day I am grateful for each moment we have together. However big or small it is, it is time together we will never get back. I cherish it. I cherish that my two kids are along for the ride with me. That they get these moments with their Nana too!

Easter 2017

We had a fun weekend celebrating Easter this year on two separate days! Two egg hunts, two big lunches, and two days full of family fun! Last year was Everett's first year to really participate in an Egg hunt and he really enjoyed it. This year I was so excited for him to really get to understand it more and enjoy opening the fun surprises in the eggs. Haven has been teetering on walking and even though she wouldn't be able to carry her basket I thought she would still be able to have fun getting some eggs.

 Saturday we spent the day having lunch and an Egg hunt with Grandma White, Mimi Susie, Carrie, BJ, Blaine, Kennedy and Brady.  For her birthday Susie had gotten Haven a little ruffled outfit with a bunny on it so of course that is what she wore over to their house on Saturday. Drew and I laughted that she looked like the cutest little Easter Advertisement, especially when we topped it off with a headband of bunny ears. Everett and Haven got some fun little Easter baskets from Mimi Susie that they loved. Everett's was filled with cars and trucks which is his most favorite thing right now. He was so excited about the egg hunt and couldn't wait to go outside for the hunt. With the help of his Dad he cleaned up nicely and got to open eggs full of candy, toys, and coins which he stuck in his front pocket and would hold down every time he would run. We had such a fun afternoon spending time with family!

Sunday morning Everett and Haven woke up to baskets filled with awesome goodies from the Easter Bunny that they loved getting to open. Everett of course dug into this and then promptly dug into Haven's for her! We dressed them up in their cutest Easter best and went off to church. Lunch was at Nana's house where she cooked a feast of roast, potatoes, green beans, squash casserole and salad all served on her wedding china. Aunt Cindy and Uncle Matt were in town visiting Nana so they  joined us along with Doss and Aunt Charlotte. Doss had prepared baskets for the kids to open also and lots of extra eggs to hunt. After lunch Drew hid all the eggs we brought for Everett to hunt and he had the funnest time getting to gather all the eggs up all to himself. Haven gathered up a few eggs on her own but mostly just practiced her walking in the grass skills with Aunt Cindy. All in all another wonderful day spent celebrating the rising of our Savior with family!

A brief moment

The past few days have been so very difficult. It is has been devastating enough along this Alzheimer's process to face each new milestone of digression and realize that one day I won't have my beautiful Mom here on this planet. Knowing that the time may be coming sooner than we realized has been a blow I can hardly manage. If I had not been such a procrastinator I would have already posted about how well she had been doing in the new home during her first two weeks there.

We noticed a change in Mom within days of being at Virginia's care home. The combativeness that made it impossible for Heartis to provide proper care was a thing of the past. Mom was mellow, she was happy! I felt for the first time since summer I had my Mom back. She would go for peaceful drives with the kids and I as we ran errands and took Kelsey to work. I would stop to grab a kids meal for the three of them and they would all eat blissfully while I drove. She sang along to the radio. I would bring the kids into the home and she watched them as they wrestled on the floor before her. She stroked my hair and rubbed my back as she laughed at her grandchildren playing. When Everett would get to rough or try and take of Haven's socks she would tell him "No No!" I felt like for the first time in months and months she really saw Haven and acknowledged her. She picked her up and held her! I had been hoping for a moment such as this since Haven's birth!

As all things tend to do with this disease the good things pass and more bad comes.

Some Bunny's Turning One Birthday Party

 When thinking about what kind of party I wanted to have for Haven the only things that came to mind were sweet, girl and bunny! She has slept with a stuffed animal bunny from the hospital the day she was born and I had hung a bunny picture in her nursery before she was born. So we had a sweet girly pink bunny party!

We held the party at Rhonda's new event venue because it was a cool different look for a first birthday and different from Everett's party the month before at home. I used some fabric from our wedding reception that really helped set the tone of girly sweetness. After doing boy parties for 3 years it was fun to indulge in the pink and pretty of desserts, flowers and decor.

We celebrated with family and sweet friends! Haven was surrounded by her Gran-Nana, Doss, Cha Chee, Mimi, Aunt Kels, Aunt Nene, Cousin Norah, Rhonda, Max, and Emmee, Aunt Carrie and BJ, Cousins Blaine, Kennedy and Brady. Grandma White and Mimi Susie, And our sweet precious friend Diane who has loved on and watched Haven and Everett for us! Of Course Dad, Mom and Everett were all there also!

 

Haven was spoiled with lots of clothes and gifts to which she cared little about and Everett was thrilled to add new toys to "his" collection.

Our sweet little girl proved to be quite the eater as she devoured into the cake Mimi made for her.

We couldn't have had a better time celebrating our sweet girl's first birthday! We love you Haven Molly!! 

Setback

I am sitting in a hospital room holding hands tightly with my mom as she lays in bed sleeping and mumbling in her sleep. Yesterday she was rushed to the ER because she was choking and her caretaker couldn't get her breathing again. As I turned my phone off Airplane mode on my charger my phone was flooded with messages alerting me to the incident. My heart immediately dropped and I immediately thought about the DNR we had on Mom and worried they would do nothing to help her! I scooped up my kids and raced to drop them off with Doss and Charlotte. I ran as fast as I could into the ER and to her room. I wasn't sure she would be alive but she was! She was in bad shape and the doctors and nurses kept telling us what a close call she had. I couldn't get my tears under control. I couldn't imagine losing her. I couldn't handle the idea of losing both parents to aspiration. So here we sit in a room on the fifth floor waiting. Waiting to see if the swallowing issues that caused her to aspirated is due to the digression of her disease or due to effects of a UTI she has had. Waiting to see if we go home or if we stay. Waiting and wondering what else this horrific disease has in mind for my beautiful courageous mom. 

This setback comes as a tremendous blow because since we have moved mom into a care home where she is receiving such tremendous care and experienced such a turnaround. For the first time in a long time I felt like I had my mom back. She was more alert. She stopped hitting and being combative. She would go for rides with me and the kids and listen to music. She sat and watched as Haven and Everett wrestled on the floor and laughed at them. She scolded Everett for taking off Havens sock. She hugged and kissed them. For the first time ever I felt like she really saw Haven, really a looked at her and beheld her beautiful namesake. She told me over and over she loved me, she kissed me, she said my name, she rubbed my back and Stroked my hand. I knew it wouldn't last forever but after months of extreme behavior it has been the greatest pleasure to sit and love on one another we used to. 

I don't know what to hope for except for peace. Alzheimer's I hate you. I hate you for how you continue to rob us of the special moments we deserve. I hate you! 

Haven Molly is ONE!

My oh my how in the world is it even possible that Haven Molly is ONE?! This little beauty is Joyful, Funny, Loud, Precious and Independent!

Sweet Haven you are full of surprises! About 3 weeks ago you stopped taking your formula so we tried you on Whole Milk and you haven't looked back since. You gulp down milk like it's going out of style. You also like apple juice but especially if it's in your brother's sippee cup! We got you one of your own big kid cups and you are handling it like the pro that you are. You can also out eat Everett at any given meal. Your favorite things to eat are goldfish, apple sauce, eggs, and granola bars or pretty much anything that is around.

Haven you have learned to stick up for yourself with Everett... you can "take him down" and it is hilarious to watch. He lets you do this but you certainly pin him down and then you guys just laugh and laugh and laugh. It is the sweetest thing to watch you two play together and laugh at one another! You love to be held sweet Haven. Especially if your Mom is around. While I am doing chores you chase me down on your hands and knees crying to be held. This is actually about the only time you cry. I just bought another baby carrier for toddlers so that I can carry you with me while doing laundry and cleaning house. I am cherishing these moments because I know you won't want to be held like this forever. You do like to snuggle and will lay your head down on whomever chest is around.

You are really starting to talk a bit and talk back to Everett. You are saying Mama, Dada, Nana, and Hi. But you also like to mouth off and if I am getting on to Everett you jump in and give him some choice ramblings as well. You love to mimic his animal sounds that he does!

Haven you now have 10 teeth! You love love love baths and will take off to the bath as soon as you hear the water turn on. You are dancing anytime there is music on and it's the cutest thing ever! You have also started clapping your hands! On the day we had your birthday party on March 18th, we got home and you took off walking with 7 steps. You haven't really stood on your own at this point and are just walking from place to place with the help of furniture so we were shocked when you took off like this! We tried to get  you to do it again but you only took about 3 steps and sat down. All that to say I think it will only be a few days before you are off and walking!

Your hair is starting to grow in more fuller and it has the prettiest red shine to it. You look so much like your Nana right now and I hope you stay looking like that. Your eyes have settled a beautiful brown which you get from your Dad along with  your beautiful full lips. People say they see me in you and I am hoping it continues to show!

Haven we had your 12 month wellness check and you weighed in at 24 lbs. 2.5 ounces and 30 3/8 inches long!  This put you in the 90 and 95 percentile. The doctor said you are ahead developmentally and are completely perfect which we already knew of course!

You sweet girl have completed our family in a way we never knew possible! You have brought so much joy and happiness into our lives! We absolutely adore you and are so blessed by  you sweet one! I can't wait to watch as you grow and learn more about the world around you! Happy Birthday Beautiful Girl!!

Our 11 Month Old Beauty

Beautiful Beautiful Haven Molly how in the world are you 11 months old?! I remember this time a year ago we had just found out that you had some heart issues and it was a week to week journey to see how soon we would get to meet you! That feels like yesterday and yet here you sit as an 11 month old beautiful girl.

Every day is full of new joys with you my darling girl! Today you tried cow's milk for the first time and you LOVED it! You have turned into such a wonderful eater and can out eat your brother at every meal. You love pasta, eggs, bread, apple sauce,  and green beans. You have outworn your interest in crackers and animal cookies. You also like the taste of apple juice a little bit. Most recently you have delved into your brothers birthday cake and devoured more than he did! You are able to eat all this yummy stuff because you now have 8 teeth! They are all 8 right up front on your upper and lower gums. I feel like we woke up one morning and you had a mouth full of teeth, although you did cry, drool, and whine from weeks leading up to it.

Haven you continue to scoot around the house on your hands and knees or on your feet using your hands to cling to any furniture that is around to help. You still like to use your walker to move quickly about the house in and especially like to chase your brother in it. Within the last few weeks you have taken steps with a push toy and are really doing well with that! I keep thinking that one day you will take steps on your own but all our hard wood floors are making it harder to do that.

You finally started saying Mama a little more but nothing compared to how you love to yell out Dada. You like to mimmick any noises happening around you, especially if your brother is making animal noises. You are now riding around in the cart seats instead of your car seat when we go to stores and you really enjoy looking out at the world around you. We also put you in highchairs on the rare occasions we go out to eat. Between your brother and you it can be quite the adventure to have two in highchairs especially if we didn't bring enough snacks.

Haven this past week we took you to the doctor for the first time ever outside of your wellness checks. This was a huge difference from your brother who was sick with a lot of stuff his first year. It turns out you contracted RSV and got an ear infection along with it. You continued to smile and happy for the most part while you were sick. As the day would wear on you would become more clingy to me but that just made me happier. You do this thing where you lay your head on my shoulder for just a split second and pick it back up. Everett never did this and we want you to just lay your head down like that so badly but you pick it up a half a second later.

You are a serious pacifier stealer. You will take any paci you see around you regardless if it is in someone else's mouth or not. Cousin Merritt was here a week or so ago and you continuously took his paci right out of his mouth to try and put in yours. If you see one of your brother's laying around you take that to which he comes and takes away from you.  Right now you don't have any preferences to type you just take whatever is there. If I have one and you have one you will grab the one from me and we play a rotation game keeping you occupied for a good while.

Haven you have a smile that lights up the world around  you! Your hair is getting more auburn with each day and growing in fuller. You are rocking a nice little mullet right now but it is still beautiful. I could just eat you up you are the cutest little thing in the world! I love and adore you Haven Molly and am honored to get to be your Mom!!