A Nana and Alzheimer's disease

I have been asked alot about how my Mom is doing with Everett's arrival. Is she just completely elated? The answer is complicated...yes she is but it's not what I had imagined.

When I was younger and thinking about my life, growing up, getting married, having children I always expected my Mom to be right there in the midst of it all being overprotective, some what overbearing, full of advice and intrusive of my space but overall being my biggest cheerleader and supporter. That is what a Mom is supposed to do right?! Unfortunately with her disease Mom doesn't realize these are the rolls she was to play. I accepted it when she wasn't able to really help plan my wedding and I was left to sort through the details and decisions without her but I was not quite prepared for how she has reacted to the arrival of Everett.

I was thrilled to learn I was pregnant specifically because I knew how much having a baby here would mean to my Mom. She hungers to be around children. In restaurants, stores or any public space she will find a child and begin to tell it how adorable or sweet that child is. Sometimes I cringe thinking that the parent will turn around to look at her as if she is trying to steal their child not realizing this grown woman has the spirit of a child herself and means no harm. My Mom longs to be more involved with my brothers daughter Peyton and I was hoping that having Everett here would help fill some of that void. In the weeks leading up to Everett's birth she would each morning ask me if he had arrived or tell me how excited she was. I meanwhile had imagined her right in the birth room with me waiting out the long haul for his arrival. I soon came to realize that having her in the actual delivery room was probably not for the best but did think she would be wanting to wait in the waiting room on pins and needles every second until he arrived. To my surprise when the time finally came after a short time in the waiting in the hospital Mom went home with Nana to rest. Although she really didn't know how to help or the right things to say I missed her presence. She didn't return until after Everett was born and at that moment she was in complete awe. I remember looking at her as she entered the room... me holding E and she stood back in the wings crying. She remarked on how beautiful he was but it took a reminder from Aunt Tammy to acknowledge me, her daughter and the accomplishment I had just been through. I had hoped she would walk in and immediately tell me how proud she was of me. Not so much. I know in her heart she feels that way and loves me extremely but I miss the natural mom inclination to act on those feelings and tell your child. She fell instantly in love with Everett but it was obvious there was a disconnect at first. Not quite realizing this was her grandchild, her first grandson.

Mom's mind is in a continual downfall but with her natural love towards children I didn't expect any major lapses when it came to her being with Everett. I had no doubts with her holding him, carrying him, being with him on her own for a very short period of time. The day after Everett was born Nana had brought Mom up the hospital to be with us as she went to an appointment. Drew had to run to work real quick so I was left with Mom sweetly rocking and singing to Everett. The day before had been exhausting for me so I dozed on the bed. After some period of time not realizing I had fallen asleep someone knocked on the door. I rose from the bed to go to it and immediately heard Everett's first wails. I am writing this not to humilate my Mom or embarass her but as a truth of Alzheimer's disease and it's effects on it's victims. Mom had also dozed off and forgotten she was holding Everett when the knock on the door came. My guess is she jumped up at the knock and in so doing dropped Everett on the hard tile floor because when I found him that is where he was lie crying. My world stopped.

Not only had the most precious gift of mine in the entire world that I had worked for 9 months to protect and nourish not to mention the hours of labor just been dropped on the floor but he was dropped by the one person I needed to be there for me, to show me how to raise and care for a child. After scooping up Everett and trying to comfort him, my hands shaking and feeling completely nauseated I wanted to protect Mom from what had just happened. I knew if she had any realization she would be inconsolable. I think she did know though, she acted funny after trying overly hard to help, I think it was her way of trying to fix what she had done. At the door was Lynn Camp, the man who had joined Drew and I in marriage, and the man who most closely resembles Grandy on this Earth and his wife Barbara.

As weird as it may seem I have come to realize this incident was a blessing from God. Drew came in shortly after and I discreetly told him what had happened. He was amazing. Quietly leaving to get a nurse to have Everett checked and never once acting upset toward Mom. That is more than I could have said I would have done had the tables been switched. I learned that God was reminding me that my Mom is not herself, that her disease has put limitations on her abilities and that no matter her intentions she can't do all that I wish she could or even that she wishes she could. Lynn said a blessing over Everett before they left, this I know too was from God and Grandy.

Was a bit of a mess, explosive green poop all over his white blanket, screaming crying seconds before and after but this is what we got.
Mom is getting more and more comfortable with Everett. I have taken them both out with me for many errands and she sits in the back seat oohhing and awwing over her precious grandson. I don't believe one minute has gone by yet that they have been together that Mom hasn't told him how much she loves him, or how special, precious, amazing he is. Everett your Nana loves you so incredibly much. She has even been telling me how proud of me she is, what an amazing mom I am. It is these moments I see glimpses of the Mom I need and know she is there... just in her own way. For now we continue to adapt and live life the best we can with this awful disease's presence sneaking in to make it's presence known. However we won't surrender so our time is spent wrapping up Everett with the love he deserves.

How has it already been 6 weeks?!

I have had the greatest gift of staying home with my sweet boy the past six weeks. I am having a hard time realizing that six weeks of his life have already passed and I must return to the real world and back to work next week.

It has been amazing to get to spend every moment of the day with Everett these past weeks. The time spent together bonding, getting to know each other is priceless. It has been overwhelming and exhausting at times but the most unbelievably precious time.

I ventured out for my first time away from Everett this week that was longer than 5 minutes. This included a date night with Drew for our anniversary and my six week check up with my doctor. Both of which he was left in the loving arms of his Mimi, Aunt Tammy, but both of which I was desperate to get back to him. I am not looking forward to the week ahead where I must leave him 3 days a week but know that I am not the only mother in America to have to do this, in fact I am very lucky to get to spend 2 days home with him. Nevertheless it will be an adjustment for both of us.

Everett I am insanely proud to be your Mom. You are truly the sweetest little boy in the world! Thank you for giving me grace as we ventured through the first weeks of your life together. And thank you for sleeping 7 hours last night! Amazing!!

One year of marriage

I'm sitting here wondering how it us possible that one year has already passed since my world changed forever and I joined my life with Drew's through our marriage vows.

A lot has happened since that day. A lot has been learned. A lot of laughter occurred. A lot of new adventures encountered. A lot of emotional nights, mostly thanks to being pregnant during the majority of it. They say your first year of marriage is your hardest, well babe being married to you isn't hard at all. We have had our challenges and struggles but if I had to describe our first year in a word I would say "Amazing!" You make my everyday fun and exciting! 

Here are a few things I've learned from our first year... Men think grilling out meat only is a sufficient meal, no sides needed. I never have to put gas in the car anymore. Waking up early on Saturday morning can actually be fun. There is no real need to move your shoes from the living room, I mean really what's the point?! Compromising is the key to happiness. Praying together is a necessity. I don't have to be right ALL the time. Friday nights spent at home are better than Friday nights out on the town. Unconditional love exists. Sharing a bed is possible. The support of your spouse is untouchable. Marriage is fun. Watching your husband become a father is the sexiest thing in the world.

Happy One Year of Marriage to my one and only! I can't wait for many many many more with you. Thank you for asking me to be your wife! I love you Drew!!

One Month

Everett Tristan how is it possible that you are already one month old?! You are already growing up WAY to fast.

The JOY that you have brought your Dad and I is completely indescribable. I wake up each morning at 4 am with a purpose and even though I am exhausted when I realize that it's not my alarm but your precious voice crying I look forward to seeing you!

You are already trying to be more grown up than you are by raising your head. Everyone has remarked on how strong you are.

Every single person who has seen you has talked about what a beautiful baby you are. You look more like your Dad than your Mom but you do have my feet! Thank heavens for that. To prove you are my son we will just take our socks off and put our feet together! You do however have my attitude when you get tired... sometimes you just need to scream for a second and then all is well again.

I love to watch you sleep and listen to your deep breaths. I'm convinced you are going to be a snorer like your dad.

When we left the hospital with you, you weighed 8 lbs. 2 oz. which was 4 oz. less than your birth weight. Finally today after 3 weeks of weekly weight checks you are weighing 9 lbs. 2 oz! Whohoo! The Dr. says you definitely do not look like a child in need of nutrients.

You don't like to take naps during the day at home unless you are in my arms, I an guessing this is because you don't want to miss out on any fun happening around you but really nothing fun happens without you anyway.

You are such a precious gift Everett and these last 4 weeks with you have been the greatest and most challenging of my life! I am MADLY in love with you sweet one!!

Happy one month of life!!

Everett's Birthstory Part Two

A few weeks before Everett arrived Drew approached me and asked if I would be offended if he didn't "watch" Everett be born as in just hung out by my head and not down south. "Heck No" I replied, " You better be right up next to face and no where else." This was a naive thought on both our parts. We were under the impression that like in our OB appointments there would be a separation of my head and other parts. We quickly found out there would be no such separation. If you could see me at all you saw it all. I had wanted Neeley in the room with us so that she could take pictures of Everett once he finally debuted. I also knew she would be an incredible source of encouragement for both Drew and I that we would need. I am pretty sure her idea of what to expect was not at all what would happen just like with Drew and I. We all were viewing the birth process through rose colored glasses thinking we could excuse ourselves from parts we didn't necessarily want to witness.

So there we are, all feeling very out of our element, all very nervous.

My nurse Blair, who by this point in the wee hours of the morning I had decided was a little crazy, instructed Drew and Neeley to each take a leg as she scooted up on my bed very much into my personal space. She instructed me to take a deep breath with my next contraction and then push for 10 seconds, take a breath and do it again two more times. I was a little confused as to why it was just the 4 of us in the room at this point and I was to begin pushing. I didn't remember reading about this in my birthing book, there is no way I was letting this quack deliver my baby. So I pushed but not with all my might mostly to just appease this girl. It was in this moment that Drew and Neeley realized too that they would have a very front row seat to Everett's arrival. After a few pushes the door opened to my room and my doctor came in. Now it was serious. For some reason I desperately wanted to impress my doctor. I wanted to seem tough and like I could do this after fighting to give birth naturally for 3 weeks and 18 hours of labor. When she told me to push I used all the little strength remaining and realized just how difficult pushing would be. I felt my face go red and my energy leave with each push as tears began to flood my face. Although I wasn't feeling any pain just pressure I was hurting to push my hardest and hold my breath for each 10 second interval. Drew and Neeley each told me later that this was the hardest part for them, to witness me in this kind of distress.

 

I don't remember alot of the actual time pushing. I remember looking into Drew's eyes. Neeley's encouraging words as she tried not to knock out the nurse whose words were less than encouraging. I remember my doctor telling me I was doing good but I felt like I was making no progress. I couldn't feel that I was actually pushing Everett out. I closed my eyes and when I opened them the room seemed to have been flooded with people. Nurses were everywhere, the stirrups were brought out, my doctor was suddenly completely dressed in her delivery gear. Showtime! It felt to me like 30 min from when we started to the moment Drew became speechless and Neeley began exclaiming that she could see Everett's head. I didn't know the moment he emerged except for everyone's excitement in the room. Drew's face flooded with tears as he saw our son for the first time and then gave me kisses. Neeley's amazement shown on her face through tears also as she scooted closer to see her nephew.

Everett was held up for me to look at. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to grab him or not so I just touched him and wept. Quickly he was taken over the incubator that was brought into the room because he had swallowed alot of amniotic fluid. I felt that there was a hush in the room as nurses worked on Everett. I couldn't see what was happening and kept looking around me for someone to tell me he was ok. Neeley had made her way over to where Everett was and was just staring at him. I kept begging with my eyes for her to tell me something. I even managed to ask a few times if he was ok. She smiled and nodded but I could tell she was concerned. Drew had moved to the opposite side of my bed from where Everett was. He later told me that he saw Everett go blue and his arms fall to his sides as he stopped breathing from the fluid clogged in his lungs. As my doctor finished with me she saw the panic in my eyes and reassuringly kept telling me he was ok, he would be ok. I felt panicked.

Finally after what felt like forever the nursery nurse told me I could hold him for a moment before they needed to take him to the nursery to finish cleaning his lungs out. Everett was placed on my chest and I never felt love hit me so hard. My tears fell in great waves as I held my son for the first time. He had already opened his eyes and when I spoke to him, Everett turned his head towards my voice. It was the most incredible moment in my life. He was mine and I was his.

The moment was way to brief as he was taken away and I encouraged Drew to go with him. Neeley remained at my side as the doctor finished with me.
By this time Mom and Nana had made it back up to the hospital to join Aunt Tammy and Kelsey in the waiting room. Neeley went out to tell them Everett had arrived. I laid in my bed Thanking God for his incredible gift of a perfect son. At some point Everett was brought back to me bundled in blankets with his little beanie on his head. He was even more beautiful than I remembered.

 

We spent the next two days in the hospital welcoming friends and family to meet our new arrival. On Saturday we were released home and Drew drove Everett and I to our house, our little family of 3. I was so excited to have Everett in "real" clothes. His first outfit was a gown Nana had bought for Everett. It was precious! When we arrived at our house we were greeted by Aunt Tammy, Neeley and Kelsey who had coming home gifts waiting for us and had opened our house up for our arrival. Patrick and a friend had also driven in to meet his nephew for the first time.
 
I was nervous but so relieved to be home in our own environment with our son. A whole part of our lives was just beginning.

Everett's Birthstory Part 1

Five percent of babies are actually born on their due date... I was sure Everett would be early and Drew was pretty confident he would be late. True to his nature already Everett had his own ideas and was born right on his due date.


This is that story. The story of the day I became a Mom. The moment I had to be stronger than any other in my life. The story of the precious little man who has completely captured my heart.

In the week or two leading up to delivery I was nervous I wouldn't know what contractions would feel like that would send me to the hospital. I kept asking God to make it very clear when it was time to go because I would second guess myself and end up waiting too late to make it in time to the hospital.

The night before I went into labor I had gone on a 2 mile or so strenuous walk around a pond with Nana and Mom. I had been full of energy that day and feeling good about my pregnancy as I had found out on that Monday I was still only dilated to a 2 almost 3 in the Dr's office. Nana told me that evening that she was discussing with Mom earlier in the day about how she thought that I would be going into labor soon since I had so much energy that day.

On the morning of the 19th Drew had already left for work and I was feeling a little tired. As I was using the bathroom ,one of the 100th times that morning, I recalled hearing a story from Drew that he had been told about a woman whose water broke and she didn't realize it because she thought she just couldn't stop peeing. As I was experiencing a similar situation that morning I thought how funny it would be if that was actually my water breaking. Ignoring it, I went about my routine of getting ready for work.  At about 10:15 I again went to the bathroom and couldn't quite "cut off" the urine flow. Again thinking I was paranoid I went back to my desk and resumed working. A little bit later I stood up and felt a bigger leaking in my pants. Heading to the bathroom to check things out the leak kept getting bigger and bigger. Upon inspection I realized this was not ordinary urine and that most likely this was indeed my sign I had been praying for. Luckily on this particular day my Aunt Tammy was working at the office as she would be filling in for me once Everett did finally come. I walked to my Aunt Tammy's office and said "Welp, I do think my water just broke." It felt like slow motion and fast all at once. I calmly walked back to my desk to gather my belongings and shut down my computer as the girls in the office flurried about me with excitement. I, of course being the Blanton that I am, began to cry. After hugs from Rhonda and a quick prayer from Leann, Aunt Tammy and I were off to the hospital. I asked that she please call Drew and tell him, knowing that in my current state I would be incoherent on the phone and probably scare him more with my crying.

"Drew, how are you doing? Good. Well Megan's water has broken and we are headed to the hospital." I could only imagine what he was thinking/feeling on the other side of that phone call.  I wanted to ask her to add, please drive safe! as I knew he would be driving like a bat out of hell toward the hospital.

 It was just after 11 am when we pulled into the valet entrance and headed inside. Aunt Tammy insisted that I ride up in a wheelchair in order to keep my amniotic fluid from totally draining out. I was embarrassed and still questioning if my water had actually broken. By this time Drew, Neeley, Mom and Nana had all been called and were en route to the hospital. Once in Labor and Delivery we waited for a room. Drew was the first to arrive and I felt instant relief upon seeing him and the tears began to flow again. They quickly got me into a room, changed into a gown, and in bed. First thing first was to check to see if my water had indeed broken. "No question about it," said the nurse we were officially in labor! I was admitted and hooked up to monitors. However My cervix was still only dilated to about a 3. My Dr was already at the hospital so she came in to see me, pitocin was started and she encouraged me to go ahead with an epidural to help maintain my blood pressure once contractions started. My amniotic fluid kept leaking and contractions began to set in as my enthusiasm began to waver. I started to realize that this baby would be coming out and felt very unprepared. I didn't sweep the floor, or make the bed, or change the sheets but there was no stopping this train now.

The epidural was a welcome relief. I had heard horror stories about them but my nurse encouraged me that they really did not hurt. With my legs over the side of the bed, back arched and staring into Drew's eyes I was surprised to find that my nurse had been right, some pressure was about all the pain I felt. Once Neeley, Aunt Tammy, Kelsey, Nana and Mom made their way back into the room I felt like a new woman. Feeling no contractions and on top of the mountain... this labor thing would be no biggie. We began the long wait. I was texting from bed and enjoying Popsicles and ice chips. Mom and Nana went home eventually to freshen themselves up as they had left home in a hurry without their makeup. The rest of us settled in for the show to start. My Dr. had been encouraged that this would not be a long labor and most likely Everett would be delivered before too late in the evening.

 

After a few hours of contractions my nurse checked to find that my cervix was still only dilated to a 3.  Deflating news, I was just sure we were rolling quickly along this labor road. My Dr. gave instructions to not "check" me unless the nurses found it necessary and I began to realize this would indeed be a long night. I tried to nap to save energy for the rest of the night. By this time it was evening and a shift change had happened with the nurses. Our new nurse was Blair, the nurse who tended to me when I was admitted for dehydration at the very beginning of January. Quirky girl with good intentions that ended up wearing on all of our nerves by the next morning. I was placed in several different positions to help encourage my cervix to dilate. One of which was the fire hydrant, one leg in a stirrup the other bent in bed while laying on my side. After an hour of so in this position my epidural would begin to run to the down side and I would begin to feel contractions. To this point I hadn't really felt much uncomfortableness but it would begin now. Once checked again by my nurse I learned I was still only progressed to a 3, she informed me that my Dr had instructed that if I did not make big leaps before 7 am the next morning I would be taken in for a C-section.

I was discouraged with this news. Throughout our entire pregnancy I had hoped that I would be lucky enough to deliver my baby vaginally. For several reasons, I wanted to experience my body delivering him the way God had intended. I desperately did not want to miss out on that chance. I was also concerned that if I had a c-section with my first delivery I would more than likely have all c-sections with future pregnancies. I began to weep in bed at this news. The room seemed to begin to fill with people and all I wanted to was to hide from the attention. I clung to Drew's hands and encouragement from my Aunt Tammy as I prayed to the Lord that his will be done.

Some point just after midnight, feeling a lot of uneasiness from the "fire hydrant" positioning I asked my nurse for some relief. She decided to go ahead and check me. To her shock as well as mine and Drew's I had progressed to 7-8cm. We were all dismayed. Everett was still a little high in the birth canal so our next challenge would be to get him moving down. I was positioned with my legs bent at the knee and pulled back into my body with the bed raised to a right angle so my I was sitting up completely straight. The Olympics were on TV and I tried to watch between moments of head bobbing as I dozed off. Around me Drew sat uncomfortably in a chair as Kelsey, Aunt Tammy, and Neeley tried to catch sleep lying on the floor. After an hour or so in this position I was checked to find that Everett had indeed dropped to 0 station, however one side of my cervix was still in the way and I was placed back into fire hydrant on my right side. It didn't take long in this position for me to call on the nurse for the intense pressure I was feeling in my bottom.

After a quick check the nurse casually asked how I felt about pushing. Honestly I feel exhausted and in need of a good long nap and a good meal is how I wanted to reply but instead I mumbled a half-hearted ok. Kelsey and Aunt Tammy stepped in to give their kisses goodbye and whisper final words of encouragement to me before they went to the waiting room to wait for news of Everett's arrival. Drew, Neeley, and I were left staring a little dazed at each other. I don't think any of us were prepared for what happened next. 

One week +

We have had the unbelievable pleasure of being parents to Everett for over a week now. It is harder than I imagined but also more rewarding than I could have ever thought!

I get to spend precious time cuddling my boy at least every 2 hours as I nurse him. These moments, as exhausting as it can be in the middle of the night, are so precious to me as his dependency on me for his necessities in life continues.

I cherish watching Drew leap up to take care of all Everett's other needs. He comes up with melodies and noises to distract Everett while changing his diaper or clothes. He is the proudest and most previous Dad I have ever seen. I am honored to have a front row seat to watch the man I love become the father he has always longed to be.

I love watching Everett's face as he finishes a full meal, he smacks his lips with absolute delight. In these moments we get to see his smile emerge quickly followed by a frown with his burrowed eyebrows.  He makes the funniest grunting noises when he's tired but trying to do something. His favorite place to be is in our arms. He can already lift his head up which was alarming to me at first. He has unbelievable strength in his arms and legs as he uses them to push away from things he doesn't want. Our first official outing was to Target and Everett was incredible although his parents were a nervous wreck. He has attended his first "non-party" where he slept contently through the entire thing! 

We have had moments of meltdowns and joy but the greatest things in life are never without hard work. Neither of us knew a love this strong could be so real and at nights as I lay listening to my husband and son sleep my heart feels as though it could burst from the love I have been given!