Anything less than Butterflies

Mom-
I miss you. I miss you so much it hurts. I miss you both emotionally and physically. Yesterday we moved you to Heartis Memory Care center and it was truly the hardest thing I have faced yet. I hate seeing your empty room next to mine with all of your stuff gone. I am trying to trick my mind into thinking it is temporary. That we just moved you into a dorm room for college or away for summer camp because the truth is too hard for me to swallow. My heart feels like there has been a goodbye between us and I can not bear it. I have thought about what this Earth would be like without you. Even though so much of you is already gone I can still see you, hug you, kiss you. I can't face the thought of existing without and yet I know that is inevitable. They have recommended that we give you time to adjust to your new surroundings. A week away. It feels like a form of torture. I just want to drive up there and crawl into bed with you. I want you to know that this decision was not an easy one although I am sure if you could you would have insisted on it a long time ago. Patrick and I searched long and hard for the perfect place for you. We felt like God placed this one right in our laps. I know that God is covering you and protecting you... he commands us to release loved ones into his care but it is very hard for me to relinquish that. For the past  year we have lived together and I have managed your daily care. Sometimes it was so hard and sometimes I wanted to run away but I was always honored to be the one to care for you. Always! I have watched as you loved on Everett and eventually Haven in the best way you could. You and Everett developed the most incredible bond and I pray he will remember and cherish that the rest of his life. I am so thankful for the experience of the last year and what it has taught me. I found courage I never knew I had.  It showed me the strength and love my husband has for me and more importantly you. I am honored to give you a touch of the care you gave me as a single mom all those years. I pray you always know the love I have for you. The last few days in the house together you weren't very verbal. Walked with your head down. I cried every single day about losing you. But I would tell you constantly that I loved you and you more often than not would always say, "I love you." Hearing you say those words gave me more comfort than you know. The day we moved you, you started lifting your head again and being more verbal. I think that this was God's way of making it easier for me to release you to a new caretaker. He gave me such peace yesterday as we moved you and I only teared up a few times. It in know way made me less sad but was God's presence in our situation knowing that he can care for you and protect you way more than I can. Mom I cannot wait for the day we are united in Heaven together. I can't wait to hear what you really think of my sweet babies and the tips you would have given me in raising them. But more importantly I want you to tell me you are proud of me and approve of the decisions we made for you. That will be an amazing day. Words cannot describe my love for you. You are my hero. The most courageous woman I know, the strongest woman I know. I am beyond honored to be your daughter!

Meg