Mom continues to go to Jan Werner Adult Daycare 3x a week. Her attitude has been mostly upbeat about her time there with the exception of a few weeks when her medication was off. She has brought home numerous pieces of art that we display proudly around the house. As she gets off the bus with a craft every few days I well up with tears at the thought of her spending her time making these items. They look like crafts a preschooler or early elementary student would bring home but she beams with pride with each one. On the days Mom is home all day with Everett and I it feels as though I truly have two toddlers in my midst. The days can be long and daunting. Mornings are started by getting Mom dressed and showered first thing followed by breakfast and hot tea as I get Everett up and to breakfast. If we are going somewhere that morning I try to get dressed while they are both occupied watching cartoons and eating breakfast. If we have to be out the door by a specific time on these days I am exhausted just getting everyone dressed, fed, and rounded up by the time we even head out the door. Mom usually naps when Everett does. She likes to lay down on the couch instead of going to her room. If she wakes up in her room alone she tends to get angry and agitated. The same thing happens in the morning if she wakes up before I do. These agitation periods can set off the rest of our day into a downward spiral if I can't get her mood lifted back quickly.
Mom enjoys spending her days watching and playing with Everett. They keep one another occupied if I am doing something but they can also get into quite a mess together. We have had to restrict Mom's drinking out side of the kitchen because she lets Everett get her drink and he then spills it onto the floor. We hadn't "baby-proofed" our kitchen yet since moving because Everett was getting better about learning what not to get into. The pantry however is one of Mom and Everett's favorite hotspots to get into. They raid crackers and cookies together leaving boxes and bags opened after they try to hide their snacking. Drew and I often say that Mom sounds like a mouse in the pantry when she is sifting through food trying to find something, taking a little here and there and leaving crumbs everywhere. Some days it's funny to find them in there, other days its tiring. Needless to say the cabinets are now proofed.
Being a toddler Everett has lots of toys with multiple parts to them he likes to scatter about and play with throughout the day, blocks, puzzles, toys scatter the den floor. Mom cannot stand this mess and drives herself nuts picking up after him constantly. It's helpful to have her do the lifting since I am getting more and more uncomfortable in my pregnancy but if she has picked up to many times in a day she begins to get frustrated and become agitated. No matter how much I insist on her leaving the toys out she continues to clean up.
As I continue to watch Everett grow and learn new things around him like getting himself dressed or undressed my heart breaks with the digression Mom is undergoing. She can not dress or undress her self and becomes a block of clay when I try to help her. As we begin to think about potty training Everett, Mom is going on a potty schedule of her own needing complete assistance in the restroom. As Everett continues to learn to use utensils with his meals, Mom struggles to understand the difference between a fork, spoon, and knife. Eating in public can be daunting as people stare not realizing the grown woman using her hands to eat her food has dementia.
The things that continue to bring Mom Joy are her family, specifically her sons and Mom, watching Ellen on tv, listening to Kenny Chesney and sneaking up on us in the house. She creeps up on me in rooms and dies laughing when I about fall over, this trick she has learned from Drew who likes to scare her to get a rise out of her. He continues to be the one to make her laugh most and bring out her joyful personality. I watch in amazement as he naturally interacts with her as though nothing is wrong. He is selfless in his sacrifice of his family and time in helping with mom as I know many some much less son-in-laws would not be. As I took time to run to the grocery store alone a few nights ago, a luxury these days!, Drew was left at home with mom and Everett. I came home to find he had helped put mom in the shower and clean her after an accident with her bowels then dress her again in fresh clothes. This exhausting task is one I endure every morning but he didn't skip a beat in jumping up to care for her in my absence. I tell you I married a hero and my very own prince!
I constantly remind Mom that I am pregnant and we are expecting a little girl despite my growing belly. Some days she laughs and says "Oh no" as though she is taking in how it will change all of our lives. Other days she says "Really? Oh that will be so sweet!" as though she is hearing it for the first time and loving the idea of being a grandmother again.
Some days are harder than other's. On hard days I feel guilty for losing my temper, losing my patience, or being less energized. I think about how she felt raising 3 kids on her own, running a home, paying for bills and activities all on her own. I think about how many days she felt tired and worn down thinking things could only get better and never gave up. Every day though I just miss her. I miss my Mom. I want for nothing more than to call her, talk to her, hug her for real.
Drew and I continue to believe that we are undoubtedly following God's plan in having moved in with Mom. We have all been blessed from our time together under one roof and although the future can look bleak and daunting I know God is holding our hands and protecting us all as we walk forward. He never gives us more than we can handle.... I believe that and I trust in that!
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