My Heart Hurts

I lay awake at night missing you.

I think about all the times I took for granted getting to be with you.

Memories pop in my head of you driving up to my office at State Farm in Abilene and giving me a "Mother's Love" ring from James Avery. You told me that the heart signified a mother and child, and even though I wasn't a mother I was your child and that heart was of you and I. I hate that I was to embarassed to wear it then because I didn't want people to think I was a mother when I wasn't. Now I wear it not only because I am a mom now but because the memory of you giving it to me is something I hold on to dearly.

I hate the time that has been stolen from us.

I am saddened by the stories I will never get to hear you tell.

I still need you. I still need to be taught by you, My Mom.

I need you daily. I miss you every moment. Sometimes I tell you that I miss you, your eyes swell up with tears and you say you miss me too. I think in these moments you know what I mean.... and other times you get huffy and say well I haven't seen you in weeks, even though I saw you the day before.

You have been working ridiculously hard lately in your room moving cluttered stack from one corner to the other. You spend hours busily working away, to the outside world it would look like nothing has been done but I can tell the piles have moved. You say you just want to make it "Beautiful!"

I love how much you love Everett. You adore him even though sometimes you are not quite sure what to do with him. Your not too comfortable with him crawling all over now, you go pick him up and sit with him.

Sometimes I think Heaven can't come soon enough so I can get you back. In some ways I feel like we never really got to have our time. One of us always taking the other for granted. Is that how life is? we never appreciate what we have, the relationships we have.

I am so proud of you. You are courageous and brave. I wish you could understand how much I love you! How my heart swells with love for you but I think in some ways you do!

Instagram Recap From Aug-Nov

I feel really bad for all of my Instagram followers because truly all I post are pictures of Everett. I have become "that" mom who thinks everyone else wants to see picture after picture after precious picture of her child. But seriously they do don't they?!!

For those who aren't on Instagram here are some of the pics I've shared recently!

Halloween with a couple of infants

I think it may have been one of our most low-key Halloween's ever.

I was determined that Everett would be an elephant for his first Halloween, and he did not disappoint. I think he was the cutest Elephant ever made!

There is not much to do with an 8 month old for Halloween. He can't eat the candy and could careless about trick or treating but as his first Halloween ever I wanted to get in the spirit somewhat and show off our little cutie.

We have a neighborhood here in Amarillo, Wolfin, that is full of old beautiful big houses where people swarm to trick or treat. It feels like the scene of a movie, the houses are all decorated, the people handing out candy are all dressed up and there are hundreds of kids in costumes, and some adults. Neeley and I really wanted to spend soak up Halloween with our kids in Wolfin. So we first took Everett and Norah in their costumes, she was a ballerina, to see Nana and my Mom. After some quick photos we ran the kids over to see Aunt Charlotte and Doss, who are both completely smitten with the babies. We then rushed home to pick up our husbands and off to Woflin we went. It was the coolest night of fall so far and Norah was asleep and bundled up as she was pushed around. Everett was people watching from his stroller, calm and quiet as a cucumber. He could have cared less! We walked around for a few minutes and watched the big kids trick or treat. We took some pictures to document Everett's first halloween and then we went home! Drew didn't get to participate in Halloween last year since he had school that night, he made up for it this year by wearing his Duck Dynasty wig and beard.

Very low key but very memorable!!

Burt's Bees Buds

While Neeley was still preggers with Norah she became slightly obsessed with shopping for her new girl and found the most precious outfits for Everett and Norah to wear together! For anyone who hasn't experienced the sheer amazingness of Burt's Bee's Organic baby clothes... they are PRECIOUS and AMAZING!! Everett's was a 9 month size and Norah's was for a newborn and our goal was to take their pics as soon as possible after Norah's birth. Well that didn't happen. 3 months later we finally got them together one morning in their outfits and the results were well worth the wait!!!

 

Norah's facial expression didn't change once, except when she started crying because Everett kept grabbing her face, hat, clothes, trying to eat her face and hands. They are adorable to watch together. Everett is fascinated with his buddy, always wanting to have a hand on her. Precious! These two are going to give us a big run for our money in a few short months!!

Hide and Seek

For the past 45 minutes I have been playing "hide and seek" with Everett. While he is turned around I run to hide in either his room, the bathroom, or our bedroom and call out to him. He quickly comes looking for me in his walker and when I jump out he cracks up laughing! His laughter is the sweetest sound I have ever heard!! A day spent shooing him out of the kitchen away from frying bacon and hot ovens where he just wanted to be near me and I thought I might literally go crazy has just ended with the sweetest moments playing and laughing together!

Motherhood can be overwhelming, exhausting, and full of anxiety but there is absolutely nothing like it. This love I have for my little guy can truly not be described! I know every mother before and after me knows exactly what I feel but sometimes it knocks me off my feet! Sometimes all I can do is acknowledge it and bask in these moments when to this little boy, I am his entire world!

Everett... I ADORE YOU!!!!!