The rest of my weekend was spent in a wedding frenzy. Finally with the help of an amazing support staff, my Aunt Tammy, Neeley, Kelsey and my Mom, we conquered centerpieces and decorations. Such a relief to feel like some progress has been made in that area And I couldn't have done it without them!
I, like I am sure every other girl, has thought once or twice about what her wedding would be like, instead of focusing on the details of my dress or decor I would always think to my family surrounding me. How special this day would be to share with my Mom imparticular as I knew I would find the right guy that would melt her heart as he had mine, and I would imagine her looking up at me on my wedding day, so proud and confident in the details we would have meticulously planned together. That was a dream... the reality is different.
Most brides I have witnessed during wedding planning either grow closer to their mom's through stage for her help in making their dreams come true or they end up resenting one another because of all the batttles they have fought to get to the end.
Wedding planning can no doubt be one of the most stressful times in a girl's life and the person I want most by my side at this time is not able to be there in the capacity I need. She tries to help to the best of her ability, she tries to see the vision, she yearns to be apart but her disease puts a big road block up between us.
We have in the past two years taken the changes and curveballs thrown at us by Alzheimer's disease with as much ease and balance as possible, shedding tears over lost independence, lost memories, forgotten tasks, but this disease has taken away my planning partner and that is a hard load to bear.
I do not want sound selfish that I have to plan a wedding without my mom's full capacity to help, but it is hard. It is real life. It is the disease that has taken her away from me piece by piece bit by bit.
This weekend as we were discussing this exact topic she began to cry and said she doesn't know how much time she has left, and after I gave her my pep talk on life realized she was talking about the wedding and didn't think she would be there for it.
She has gotten excited with me about the decorations, thrilled and specific about her dress, she cares about every detail it is just hard for her to help make the best choices. She loves and adores Drew and he makes her smile like no one else can. I am thankful for what I do have with her, the planning we can do together! But I mourn those we can't.
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