Woes of Wedding Planning

Friday was my sweet Patrick's 25th birthday. It is so incredibly hard to believe that he is already 25 which makes it harder to believe that I am 27. I am trusting he had a wonderful birthday spent with his best friends as his family was all too far away for celebration. Mom and I did overnight a little something to him to make him feel even more special on that day! Happy Belated Birthday sweet brother!

The rest of my weekend was spent in a wedding frenzy. Finally with the help of an amazing support staff, my Aunt Tammy, Neeley, Kelsey and my Mom, we conquered centerpieces and decorations. Such a relief to feel like some progress has been made in that area And I couldn't have done it without them!

I, like I am sure every other girl, has thought once or twice about what her wedding would be like, instead of focusing on the details of my dress or decor I would always think to my family surrounding me. How special this day would be to share with my Mom imparticular as I knew I would find the right guy that would melt her heart as he had mine, and I would imagine her looking up at me on my wedding day, so proud and confident in the details we would have meticulously planned together. That was a dream... the reality is different.

Most brides I have witnessed during wedding planning either grow closer to their mom's through stage for her help in making their dreams come true or they end up resenting one another because of all the batttles they have fought to get to the end.

Wedding planning can no doubt be one of the most stressful times in a girl's life and the person I want most by my side at this time is not able to be there in the capacity I need. She tries to help to the best of her ability, she tries to see the vision, she yearns to be apart but her disease puts a big road block up between us.

We have in the past two years taken the changes and curveballs thrown at us by Alzheimer's disease with as much ease and balance as possible, shedding tears over lost independence, lost memories, forgotten tasks, but this disease has taken away my planning partner and that is a hard load to bear.

I do not want sound selfish that I have to plan a wedding without my mom's full capacity to help, but it is hard. It is real life. It is the disease that has taken her away from me piece by piece bit by bit.

This weekend as we were discussing this exact topic she began to cry and said she doesn't know how much time she has left, and after I gave her my pep talk on life realized she was talking about the wedding and didn't think she would be there for it.

She has gotten excited with me about the decorations, thrilled and specific about her dress, she cares about every detail it is just hard for her to help make the best choices. She loves and adores Drew and he makes her smile like no one else can. I am thankful for what I do have with her, the planning we can do together! But I mourn those we can't.

27 things to be greatful for

I had a truly wonderful birthday! I slept in.... till 9. Woke up to have coffee with my Nana and Neeley, such a wonderful treat. Went to lunch with my Family, caught an afternoon movie followed by a little meandering through Target, and topped it off at dinner with my precious friends and a night cap at our new house! I couldn't have asked for a better day. Drew sent me this beautiful arrangement of flowers in the morning before I started my day.

As I look forward to the year that age 27 hold for me I want to reflect on some things I am thankful for (in no special order)...

1. I am so Thankful the Lord has given me such a precious man who truly completes me. He is a gift!

2. I am Thankful for the nearness of my Mom and Nana, it is so fun having them so close to me.

3. I am Thankful for my health. As I witness others around fighting with theirs I become more gratful for mine.

4. I am thankful for a warm place to live, on these cold nights and days I cannot imagine not having a cozy place to sleep.

5. I am so thankful for a cousin who is my sister, partner in crime and best friend!

6. I am Thankful for an aunt who would do anything in the world for me and treats me as her own.

7. I am thankful for Kelsey who's sunshine brightens my days.

8. I am thankful for the gift of friendship from some truly amazing girls who are always there when I need them.

9. I am thankful for a job that I enjoy and a boss who is pleasant and amazing to work for.

10. I am thankful for a steady income that comes twice a month with no worries.

11. I am thankful for having a gift of creativity that I can exercise in many different ways.

12. I am thankful for brothers who are doing well and growing up into amazing men.

13. I am thankful for the friendship of those surrounding my mom, who have patience with her and care enough to spend time with her.

14. I am thankful for ladies who have stepped out of the woodworks to host a lovely wedding shower for me.

15. I am thankful for the girl scout cookies being sold on every corner.

16. I am thankful for facetime so that I can chat with my precious niece anytime and see her adorable face.

17. I am thankful to live in a nation where I can worship my God openly and without shame.

18. I am thank for a dependable car that starts when I need to go somewhere and has heat on these cold mornings.

19. I am thankful for craigslist as a way to sell of unwanted furniture without having a grage sale!

20. I am thankful for market street united's lunchables for grownups, amazing!

21. I am thankful for the legacy my Grandy left behind.

22. I am thankful for a God who is so much bigger than politics, al queda and the president.

23. I am thankful that my fiance' knows how to do dishes and clean up the house and that he allows me to do whatever makes me happy when decorating our new home.

24. I am thankful for the happiness Cooper shows me everytime I come home even though it can be overwhelming at times.

25. I am thankful for a family who stands behind and beside me no matter what.

26. I am thankful for the forgiveness the blood of christ allows me to recieve.

27. I am thankful for the gift of a dream wedding from my amazing mother!

Today is a gift!

This day marks the 54th year of my amazing Mom's birth!

This morning I woke her up from her deep slumber with flowers in hand telling her "This is the day!" She stumbled from bed laughing at my enthusiasm in the morning. As she struggled to put on her tennis shoes she kept saying how beatiful the flowers were. Every girl should have flowers on her birthday but mine weren't the only ones she recieved at 5:30 in the morning. Sweet friends of the family had left her flowers on the door with a precious card remind her how special she is and how much she touches others.

She wasn't sure exactly which day her birthday was coming but she knew it was coming.

On our way to work out I was overcome with emotion of the day. Remembering back to two years ago not knowing what the future held.

I didn't know if  my Mom would get to be at my wedding or understand what was happening and in a few short months she will.

This day is special. A gift. Two years ago today we didn't know if this day would come, how many more birthday's she would have... or remember.

On so many days I take advantage of her selfless nature, her willingness to help, her love and compassion, her adoration for animals, her yearning to be apart of the world around her.

Today is a celebration of the life she has been given. The moments we share together. Her laughter. Her love. Today we celebrate the most incredible woman I know, who daily fights a courageous battle against Alzheimer's and it's horrific effects. We celebrate her awareness, her contributions, her memory!

Today I celebrate my Mom. She is one incredible woman!

Happy Birthday Mom! Words will never be able to adequately describe how much I love you! How proud I am of you!

Today is a gift!

Little Moments

Heavy hearted today as a friend and coworker learns bad news of her husband's cancer. Within 6 months the cancer has been detected, removed, spread, and grown and the likelyhood of him being here in another 6 is low.

Promted to take JOY in the small moments life brings like riding in the cramped back seat of a tiny car in freezing weather at 5:00 am watching Drew engage my Mom in laughter. He teases her, interacts with her, and "gets" her because he "gets" me.

Knowing the Lord has his will laid out before us as we travel rocky roads can be daunting and scary but trusting he is there with us as he brings us little moments of joy during the days keeps me going.

Welcoming a New Year

Our New Year was spent with our dearest friends and family playing games waiting for the ball to drop.

I can't quite comprehend that it is already January 2013.

In less than 88 days I get to marry my best friend. I am trying to relish every moment from here till then as I know it will fly by.

This morning we started off with a New Years Resolution bright and early, working out. As we were driving back to my house tired and worn out a song came on the radio. We both sat in silence listening to this version of a classic song. We looked up at each other both will tear filled eyes as we realized this song struck a cord with our hearts, our relationship and we knew... this would be the first song we danced to as husband and wife.

Changes are coming rapidly as we prepare to move out of our separate homes and into one we will build together starting this weekend. I am soaking up the moments together and apart. And as Neeley has warned me as I cry at just about every touching and not so touching moments, this is the emotional part of getting married.

I am looking forward to a 2013 filled with amazing moments, lots of love and laughter and changes that make me smile.

I hope yours holds the same!