Dinner Date

Last night I had the most wonderful date to  Dinner and a Movie. There were some pink lilies involved as well as chinese food and the muppets but the best part was I got to spend my night hanging out with this girl...

Jealous much?! Yeah I would be too! Look how stinking cute she is rocking her santa hat!

For Kelsey's birthday I gifted her a dinner and movie all of her choosing. After her birthday life hit the fan a little but we FINALLY got to do it last night!

She picked Pei Wei for dinner which was so exciting as she is about the ONLY person I can get to go there with me. We both had Chicken Fried Rice and water (that is a Kelsey drink staple of choice.)

She wanted to go see the movie the Muppets and I have to tell you it was pretty cute. We were both pretty tired and I may have fallen asleep for oh maybe 5 minutes but the movie was a sweet and cheery one.

One of the absolute BEST parts of spending time with Kelsey is (aside from her smile and sweet spirit) .. if you are VERY LUCKY you can usually walk away with one of these...

A precious note telling you how much you mean to her. I am keeping this one in my car to look at when I need a little love!

Happy Late Birthday Date Sweet Kelsey!

Blizzard.

It is FREEZING COLD here, the wind is blowing, there is ice and snow covering the ground and my little toes are so cold. This is one of my Favorite things about living in Amarillo, we actually get SNOW!

Yesterday a blizzard blew through the area, the weathermen were predicting 6-9 inches of snow. I think was ended up getting 2 or 3 but nevertheless, they are still predicting snow again for this weekend. We could end up having a WHITE CHRISTMAS. There is nothing better to put you in the Christmas spirit than looking outside to see the groud covered in a layer of snow.

I didn't even mind running around in the blistering wind with Drew last night to do his Christmas shopping. He is a little bit of a procrastinator or he is just a boy and they do not concern themselves too much with minute details like ohh lets see shopping for Christmas presents. Anyhoo we ventured out into the weather last night hand in hand to shop.

There are moments in my life where I look over and just think how blessed I am by Drew and his love for me and my family. How he continues to suprise me with his thoughtfulness and how with each day we encounter a new experience together.

I asked him last night who he was buying for and he recited me a list with my family's names first. I watched as he carefully handpicked presents for his family and mine. Trying to find just he right and perfect gift for each person on his list and yet still being a boy about it he broke down after an hour and was hungry and thristy. We went for dinner and he rejuvanized and we powered on to complete all but 3 people on his list.

I have loved the anticipation of Christmas this year and Drew being such a part of my family. Each of my brother's have wanted to include him in our exchanges and get him something for Christmas. I love that he has now met everyone in my immediate family and they LIKE HIM! I am so grateful for the short time that Grandy had around him and that Drew got to be with Grandy. I am so so grateful for the time Drew had with my Dad and knowing that my Dad stamped his approval on Drew means the world to me. Drew came into my life in a time where I desperately needed him, I needed him to be apart of my family and meet the important people in my life.

Anyway... there is a little Tuesday ramble about my Monday night and the man I love.

Shopping and a Birthday

This weekend was just a full on fun time! A little bit CRAZY but Fun Fun Fun.

Friday night I met Neeley at the mall and we powered through my Christmas list...

There were AMAZING SALES happening and I was able to get every single thing on my list that night. Such a relief to have it all done!!

Saturday my dear sweet bestie Laura Beth came in town on her way to spend time with her family for Christmas. She hung with me and mom to accomplish my to do list for the day and then came to celebrate Nana's birthday with us on Saturday night.

Nana's birthday is tomorrow but we had a big family dinner on Saturday at Starlight Canyon. It was a great meal spent together celebrating the matriarch of our fam!

 

 Had her Sister by her side to celebrate.

 

Got a Christmas carolers to add to her collection.

 

She did a little modeling of her new outfit for us.

 Mom gave Nana a Mother's Love Necklace from James Avery. It was a precious moment between them and for all of us there.

For my gift to Nana I had seen an idea on a blog to scan old photos then print them on vellum and attach them to a lampshade. I thought this would be the perfect present for Nana using some old photos of her and Grandy.

Needless to say she LOVED it. She loved looking at the old photos of them together and reliving the memories. She already found a great place for it in her room.

It was a precious party to celebrate Nana's Amazing life!!

Today Laura Beth and I went to breakfast at IHOP and then she left. I picked up Drew and we went to see the new Sherlock Holmes movie. Then went to Sam's and dinner with my mom.

I came home after to wrap all my presents for everyone...

 

My Bathtub is FULL of presents. I cannot wait for everyone to open them up!!

6 Days until Christmas! I hope this week goes by very quickly!

Christmas Decor

Christmas in our house hasn't been something I have looked forward to for a looonnnnggg while. Last year we weren't even sure we were going to really do anything to celebrate Christmas after Grandy died. For the past 7+ years our family has had Nana and Grandy to celebrate with on Christmas morning. Last year it felt empty and sad. We have also had to deal with a "combined" family which essentially meant our traditions went out the door, then Ryan moved away and got married and our Christmas' have just not quite gotten back to any sort of normal. The truth is it never will.... we are all growing up and growing into our own little bubbles in the world, but for the first Christmas in a while I am actually excited. Both of my brothers will be coming in to Amarillo and for a day and a half my mom will have all her kids together at one time. With all that we are going through missing my Dad, I am so thankful that I have the opportunity to be surrounded by my family. 

I was excited to decorate for Christmas this year in our house and wanted to share some of our Christmas Spirit with you!

 

1. Coffee filter wreath I have been dying to make for over a year. Took me a total of $3.00 to make it with materials from the Dollar Tree. 2. My newest Santa to add to my collection courtesy of my Elf Aunt. 3. Chalkboard Advent Calender that I have not been counting down on. 4. My FIRST Christmas tree to buy. 5. Red and White inspired entry-way table. 6. Neighbors red and white Christmas lights that I LOVE coming home to (even if its next door.) 7. My newest Christmas ornament and burlap tulle on the tree. 8. $5.00 Garland on the mantle with gold pinecones. 

And Last but not least... my favorite part of our house. 

A Wreath I put together with items from Michaels. I love the Purple and the feathers on it!

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!

Thanksgiving

In an effort to be a little bit more light-hearted I am FINALLY posting pictures of Thanksgiving. This blog to me is an outlet to speak whats on my heart and document the life and memories I am experiencing. I know the heartache and struggles I am going through regarding my Dad will not go away any time soon nor do I really want it to but my brother is reminding me everyday to JUST KEEP LIVIN!


Thanksgiving holds sweet memories for me for that is the last day that I actually spoke with my Dad. We played phone tag for the next three days after that. We had a nice conversation about more than his medical standings but about him and I was extremely comforted after that conversation.

So... our Blanton Family Thanksgiving was extremely EXTREMELY small this year. It was the "away" year for all the married cousins and other relatives could not make the trip up to Amarillo.

 

Cooper went to the groomers to look Handsome for Thanksgiving Day! Although he didn't get to come over to Nana and Mom's for the festivities.

Nana had the house fully decorated for Fall, complete with pilgrim salt and pepper shakers.

 

I was in the midst of a bad cold so in an effort to not get everyone else sick I kept away from all of the food prep... the rest of the household were quite content playing on the iphones.... seriously what did we do before them?!?

The food was AMAZING as usual! Nana and Aunt Tammy did an OUTSTANDING job! I never want to spend a Thanksgiving away from my Nana's cooking!

 

Here was our sweet little gathering of people at the "adult table." Neeley, Patrick, Kelsey and I were at the card table aka "the kid table" where I am pretty sure we will spend the rest of our life.

 

And this is the after party... the boys watching the cowboys game and the rest of us passed out from with our overstuffed tummies.

The best part of Nana's Fall/Christmas decorations is her snow village. She has been collecting this for 50+ years. She is so proud of it and it takes a lot to set up but once it is all set it is something to behold. Neighbors used to bring their own families over during the Holidays to show it off. Nana had it up in time for Thanksgiving and it definitely helped set the mood!

1 year

Today marks the one year anniversary that my precious Grandy went to be with his Lord and Savior.

I can remember every single detail of that day like it was yesterday. Sometimes it feels like a year couldn't have already passed and then it feels like it has been an eternity since I have held his hand or heard his voice.

I would have never imagined a year ago as I was processing what life would be like without him that less than a year later I would lose my Dad as well. The two men who have meant so much to me in life taken from this earth within the same year.

I know God has a plan and he knew they both needed to be called home to be with him.

I have been realizing more and more similarities between two men who to the outside world would seem so different.

Although Grandy's outgoing nature and never met a stranger mentality is hard to be matched, my Dad had the same characteristic. I would look on with pride at any restaurtant I sat at with my Grandy as he would make the waitress/waiter feel welcomed like family. I watched later as my Dad greeted every single hospital attendant with the same welcoming nature.

I have read in people's memory posts about my father how his smile would make their day easier, it was a light in the darkness for some. The same is said about Grandy's sweet smile to anyone who entered his presence.

Both of these amazing men battled cancer. They both beat it once and it returned to haunt their bodies.
Through their battles neither of them ever complained about what was happening to them, neither ever said they didn't deserve it. Instead they would both always look towards the brighter side continually focusing on their fight and that God was leading their paths. 

For both my Grandy and my Dad this Holiday season was their most favorite time of year!

They were different men, had different lives but had remarkable similarities that made them who they were. 

The world... MY world was and is a much better place because I had them both in it. Both of them cheering me on through softball games, band concerts, academic achievements, personal achievements and so much more. I knew the love each of them had for me and in the end how proud each of them were of me!

I am so blessed to have been the daughter of these two remarkable men and will strive to live up to the life they lead while they were on this Earth. Their memories will never be forgotten. I know when I get sad or lonely I can think of them up in Heaven together watching over me.

Never Forget!

Finding a way to deal

Everything feels so strange. Going to work and being apart of the life that I have lived with for so long feels separate from what my heart is feeling. To look at me you would not immediately know that apart of me feels empty on the inside.

The hardest time comes when I am alone, usually driving home. There are no more distractions but just me and the quiet. Time to think, time to process, time to allow myself to be sad. I force myself through a range of emotions, sadness, desperation, regret, sadness, hurt, anger, sadness, sorrow, and finally hope.

I know I cannot focus on the regret, that my Dad Loved me, that he was Proud of me. I hold on to memories from two months ago in the hospital as I walked in and grabbed his hand as he was surrounded by friends, his eyes were closed and he instantly said "This is the apple of my eye."

I hold on to the nickname he alone has called me all of my life, "Princess."

I cling to the memories of being at the Lake with him in August and so thankful for the way God orchestrated that trip for us.

I imagine him with me as I drive and get lonely. Standing over my shoulder offering a protection field with is angel's wings.

Last night I got to meet Dad's best friend from high school who served as best man from my parent's wedding. A man I have heard about all of my life and last met when I was 6 years old. He brought over pictures of my Dad from his boy-scouting days. He told me stories I had never heard about him such as on Friday nights my Dad would fill up his truck with .50 and drive up and down Polk street, Dad would call Henry at 1:00 in the morning having run out of gas. Henry said he took him gas the first time. The next week Dad called again from Tascosa Drive-In having run out of gas again, Henry told him he would have a long walk home and Dad never ran out of gas again. That simple little story held so much of my Dad's personality and humor in it. I was more impacted of the memory of him being so young and at the same places I am spending my nights now. It gave me a sense of presence of my Dad.

Henry's parents were photographed with my Dad's dad Thomas Edwin Lowe II at my parent's wedding. They took him in after my Dad's mother died of cancer at the age of 39 leaving my Dad his two siblings, and three half siblings behind for his step father to raise. A  step-father, living in Amarillo still, who I sent a letter to yesterday desperately trying to find some connection to my own Dad. I feel a need to put the pieces of Dad's puzzle together by finding his lost family. A need to write down every story, every memory being told to me about my Dad. Wanting to compile a meager collection of his life to share with the grandchildren he will never know. A focus to keep moving forward, to not let the full loss settle in.

I have been proud of Ryan, his reassurance and love has been a support every morning through text messaging.

This feeling seems to be unending and yet I don't want it to go away. I don't want to lose him.

So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
- Isaiah 41:10

left

I cannot even begin to describe the past couple of days. Full of sadness, tears, hurt, and pain. The complete ridiculousness of it all keeps coming to my mind, ridiculous to have to find a dress to wear to my father's funeral. The ridiculousness that I cannot just call him and tell him about my day. The ridiculousness that after his six year fight with cancer it just ended in one morning. The ridiculousness that I woke up Friday morning to an email amongst all the spam I get with a link to my dad's obituary.

There has been a tightness in my chest ever since I got the call. Sometimes it is loosened and sometimes I can barely grasp a breath.... he can't really be gone!

Drew and I drove to Dallas/Ft. Worth Thursday night- I felt an urgent need to get there, to be close and instantly wanted to leave once I arrived. People kept telling me to call Christie and check in but I couldn't force myself too- that would make it to real. Friday we went to Dad and Christie's apartment where she was preparing for the services with her brothers watching over her. I had prayed for a calm, a peace to not let me hyperventilate while I was sitting there. We calmly sat amongst each other hardly discussing what had happened. It helped me to see that she was ok, she was getting through this. Ryan and Darrah came over with Peyton which offered a good distraction.

Drew met Ryan, Darrah and Peyton all for the first time. I wished Dad could have been sitting there to mediate the meeting.

I lay in bed that night craving a distraction from my mind. Desperately not wanting the next morning to come. I was dreading it and pleading with God to not make that day happen.

Saturday morning I woke up thinking I had been living a dream the past two days. When my alarm went off again I knew I had to get up and get dressed for the services. I instantly felt nauseas, the tightness in my chest unbearable. I was deciding between two dresses, one with floral on it or plain black. I debated in my head and aloud one is too stuffy for my dad one is not stuffy enough for a funeral. I decided on the floral.

Driving to Grapevine from Ft. Worth I felt like I was going to throw up. I begged Drew to turn the music down, roll the windows down in the frigid air and let me close my eyes to escape. I was screaming in my head to myself to not throw up. Pleading that the Prince of Peace would engulf me and get me through this horrific day. Praying for strength. I didn't want to go in to the funeral home alone, I had Drew but I needed Ryan with me. I needed his balance.

We walked into the room together. Seeing my dad made it real. I wish with everything in me I could escape that image of him lying there.

I was worried about Patrick all morning. He walked in with dignity and sorrow. The pride I felt in my brothers that day will never me matched.

The service was nice. Friends from Dad's life in Dallas were introducing themselves to me "again." One lady came up to me and told me that she worked with him at Durham, his job driving the school bus he loved. She told me he was her first friend. That he saw her one day, spoke to her and gave an encouraging smile and took her under his wing. She said over and over he was her first friend. Then cried as she thought of the loss she would feel daily at work.

Even as I type this I feel as though I am living a silly little dream.

I am fearful of the future. I am saddened for the memories that will not be. The life that my dad will not be apart of, my marriage, more grandchildren, christmas', birthdays. I am heartbroken for my brothers, one who lost his best friend, the other who will never know... Heartbroken for Christie who has lost her true love.

I am left desperately trying to understand what God's plan is, I felt like Dad was getting better. Trying to understand Heaven, I want to know where my dad is, what he is doing. Just left in a world where my larger than life Dad doesn't exist any longer.