Walking Girl

The day of Haven's birthday party we got home and were sitting around the living room watching as she and Everett played with her new toys. All of a sudden Haven took of walking on her own, about 7 steps. By the time Drew and I scrambled to get our camera's ready and tried to get her to do it again she was not having any of it. For the next month Haven would walk steps here and there but still mostly resorting to crawling. After a few weeks Haven would get bolder taking more steps for longer periods of time and with this we finally called her a full fledged walker. Haven is adventurous and is not scared of walking anywhere. She loves to chase after her brother now that she is on two feet instead of crawling after him on the floor. She loves to push anything she can around the house from furniture to toys that will let her stand and push. She still likes to crawl when she is tired but our girl is a walker now! There is no stopping her!!

In addition to her walking Haven is also waving hello to everyone. Pretending to talk on the phone by holding her hand to the very back of her head like she thinks she sees people doing. She is blowing kisses. Throwing her paci out of her bed when she is over it. Crawling up on chairs and acting like the big girl she thinks she is. Haven has learned how to throw a major tantrum when she wants something, full on arched back, slinging herself to the floor throwing her head back while screaming at the loudest magnitude. It is quite something to see on such a precious little girl. She has a yell that we aren't sure if it's her trying to mimmick the dinosaur sound Everett makes or just full on over it scream but it is loud! We moved haven into a front forward seat hoping she would quiet the scream some when she was able to look around at the cars passing and watch a movie in the car... it hasn't completely worked but it is sure nice to get to see that sweet girls pretty smile in the rear view mirror. With each day that passes Haven shows more independence and that she is growing up more but she is still just the sweetest littlest girl and will always be our baby! 

Mother's Day 2017

This Mother's Day was so incredibly special to me for many reasons! The first was that my sweet Everett ran into our room where I was still laying in bed and kissed me and told me "Happy Mother's Day Mommy!" It was the absolute sweetest moment and just a precious reminder to me what the day meant and how lucky I was to be included in the club of motherhood. My sweet precious children mean the world to me and raising them is the greatest pleasure of my life! There are days that are long and exhausting but never without a moment of blessings for being a Mom. It is a hard job and I took so much for granted of how hard my own mom worked to raise three children on her own. There are questions and advice I so long to ask her.

My Precious husband brought me breakfast in bed and handled the children while I took a little time to rest and relax before getting up. I do love to take my time in the mornings and not jump out of bed, something that doesn't coincide with motherhood well. We had planned that instead of going to church this morning we would gather our crew pick up Mom and head out to do something fun with her to capitalize on her best time of day. Because she can't eat a regular meal any longer I decided that our activity should not revolve around a meal as it usually would. Activities are so limited for Mom these days but she absolutely loves to get out in the sunshine. Drew and I loaded up Everett and Haven, picked up Mom and went to the park for a little time out in the sun and breeze. Mom has been alert, and talking if she doesn't get her medicine first thing in the morning so we held off her meds and got to spend some wonderful quality time with her. She laughed at the kids, reached out to Drew and gave me kisses. We fed the ducks, walked the trail and watched the kids play in the water. I kept asking her if she was doing ok and she would reply "ohhh yeah!" She loved every second of being outside and we did too! I couldn't have asked for a better way to spend this Mother's Day! I oculdn't help but think back to a Mother's Day a few years ago when Patrick and I gifted Mom a bicycle and she took off riding down the block with the glee of a schoolgirl on it. I long for those days again to get to be with her in that spirit but on days like this mother's day when I get glimpses and small moments of it my heart becomes so full! Seeing her interaction and reaction to my babies means the world to me and I cling to every single second.

After spending the afternoon cuddling with Everett on the couch we went to Aunt Tammy's for a special Mother's Day dinner surrounded by Nana, Aunt Cindy, Doss, Charlotte, and Kelsey. We had a wonderful dinner just being together and as Everett and Haven made their way from person to person I was so grateful for the legacy of strong mothers in my family that my children have to look up to and the examples I have to follow!

Thankful for every moment

Our "two week" timeline given to us after Mom's incident has come and gone. When I was given the initial prognosis from those who seemed to be knowledgeable and have first hand experience I spent every second walking around feeling like there was a hole in me. I felt nauseated every moment of every day. I felt like there was a huge blockage in my own throat and I couldn't seem to find my breaths or swallow. I spent several days in this state just imagining the world without her and crying all the time.  Jumping every single time the phone rang thinking this was the news I was dreading. Haven would wake up at night and I would just hold her for hours weeping into her sweet little head. As days went by and Mom seemed to recover somewhat  and I let myself relax, breathe. I remembered what an unusual case my Mom is. Diagnosed with EOA at 52, living with it for 6 years. Medicine never works the way it typically does with Alzheimer's patients because of her age. So I thought that the people who "know" best don't know her. They don't know how strong she is, what a fighter she is. I let myself believe that we would have more time with her.

It has been over a month and a half now since Mom's incident in the hospital. She has good days and bad days.  Some days she can walk, some days she can't. Some day's she can swallow with a straw some days she can't.  Her talking is slurred but she still gets her point across. It is hard to get time to with her to just sit and be. Mostly the kids and I pick her up in the mornings and we go for drives. Drive around the park looking at Dogs playing and bunnies running. We drive around neighborhoods,  we get car washes, some days we go to Nana's and sit. Every day I am grateful for each moment we have together. However big or small it is, it is time together we will never get back. I cherish it. I cherish that my two kids are along for the ride with me. That they get these moments with their Nana too!

Easter 2017

We had a fun weekend celebrating Easter this year on two separate days! Two egg hunts, two big lunches, and two days full of family fun! Last year was Everett's first year to really participate in an Egg hunt and he really enjoyed it. This year I was so excited for him to really get to understand it more and enjoy opening the fun surprises in the eggs. Haven has been teetering on walking and even though she wouldn't be able to carry her basket I thought she would still be able to have fun getting some eggs.

 Saturday we spent the day having lunch and an Egg hunt with Grandma White, Mimi Susie, Carrie, BJ, Blaine, Kennedy and Brady.  For her birthday Susie had gotten Haven a little ruffled outfit with a bunny on it so of course that is what she wore over to their house on Saturday. Drew and I laughted that she looked like the cutest little Easter Advertisement, especially when we topped it off with a headband of bunny ears. Everett and Haven got some fun little Easter baskets from Mimi Susie that they loved. Everett's was filled with cars and trucks which is his most favorite thing right now. He was so excited about the egg hunt and couldn't wait to go outside for the hunt. With the help of his Dad he cleaned up nicely and got to open eggs full of candy, toys, and coins which he stuck in his front pocket and would hold down every time he would run. We had such a fun afternoon spending time with family!

Sunday morning Everett and Haven woke up to baskets filled with awesome goodies from the Easter Bunny that they loved getting to open. Everett of course dug into this and then promptly dug into Haven's for her! We dressed them up in their cutest Easter best and went off to church. Lunch was at Nana's house where she cooked a feast of roast, potatoes, green beans, squash casserole and salad all served on her wedding china. Aunt Cindy and Uncle Matt were in town visiting Nana so they  joined us along with Doss and Aunt Charlotte. Doss had prepared baskets for the kids to open also and lots of extra eggs to hunt. After lunch Drew hid all the eggs we brought for Everett to hunt and he had the funnest time getting to gather all the eggs up all to himself. Haven gathered up a few eggs on her own but mostly just practiced her walking in the grass skills with Aunt Cindy. All in all another wonderful day spent celebrating the rising of our Savior with family!

A brief moment

The past few days have been so very difficult. It is has been devastating enough along this Alzheimer's process to face each new milestone of digression and realize that one day I won't have my beautiful Mom here on this planet. Knowing that the time may be coming sooner than we realized has been a blow I can hardly manage. If I had not been such a procrastinator I would have already posted about how well she had been doing in the new home during her first two weeks there.

We noticed a change in Mom within days of being at Virginia's care home. The combativeness that made it impossible for Heartis to provide proper care was a thing of the past. Mom was mellow, she was happy! I felt for the first time since summer I had my Mom back. She would go for peaceful drives with the kids and I as we ran errands and took Kelsey to work. I would stop to grab a kids meal for the three of them and they would all eat blissfully while I drove. She sang along to the radio. I would bring the kids into the home and she watched them as they wrestled on the floor before her. She stroked my hair and rubbed my back as she laughed at her grandchildren playing. When Everett would get to rough or try and take of Haven's socks she would tell him "No No!" I felt like for the first time in months and months she really saw Haven and acknowledged her. She picked her up and held her! I had been hoping for a moment such as this since Haven's birth!

As all things tend to do with this disease the good things pass and more bad comes.

Some Bunny's Turning One Birthday Party

 When thinking about what kind of party I wanted to have for Haven the only things that came to mind were sweet, girl and bunny! She has slept with a stuffed animal bunny from the hospital the day she was born and I had hung a bunny picture in her nursery before she was born. So we had a sweet girly pink bunny party!

We held the party at Rhonda's new event venue because it was a cool different look for a first birthday and different from Everett's party the month before at home. I used some fabric from our wedding reception that really helped set the tone of girly sweetness. After doing boy parties for 3 years it was fun to indulge in the pink and pretty of desserts, flowers and decor.

We celebrated with family and sweet friends! Haven was surrounded by her Gran-Nana, Doss, Cha Chee, Mimi, Aunt Kels, Aunt Nene, Cousin Norah, Rhonda, Max, and Emmee, Aunt Carrie and BJ, Cousins Blaine, Kennedy and Brady. Grandma White and Mimi Susie, And our sweet precious friend Diane who has loved on and watched Haven and Everett for us! Of Course Dad, Mom and Everett were all there also!

 

Haven was spoiled with lots of clothes and gifts to which she cared little about and Everett was thrilled to add new toys to "his" collection.

Our sweet little girl proved to be quite the eater as she devoured into the cake Mimi made for her.

We couldn't have had a better time celebrating our sweet girl's first birthday! We love you Haven Molly!! 

Setback

I am sitting in a hospital room holding hands tightly with my mom as she lays in bed sleeping and mumbling in her sleep. Yesterday she was rushed to the ER because she was choking and her caretaker couldn't get her breathing again. As I turned my phone off Airplane mode on my charger my phone was flooded with messages alerting me to the incident. My heart immediately dropped and I immediately thought about the DNR we had on Mom and worried they would do nothing to help her! I scooped up my kids and raced to drop them off with Doss and Charlotte. I ran as fast as I could into the ER and to her room. I wasn't sure she would be alive but she was! She was in bad shape and the doctors and nurses kept telling us what a close call she had. I couldn't get my tears under control. I couldn't imagine losing her. I couldn't handle the idea of losing both parents to aspiration. So here we sit in a room on the fifth floor waiting. Waiting to see if the swallowing issues that caused her to aspirated is due to the digression of her disease or due to effects of a UTI she has had. Waiting to see if we go home or if we stay. Waiting and wondering what else this horrific disease has in mind for my beautiful courageous mom. 

This setback comes as a tremendous blow because since we have moved mom into a care home where she is receiving such tremendous care and experienced such a turnaround. For the first time in a long time I felt like I had my mom back. She was more alert. She stopped hitting and being combative. She would go for rides with me and the kids and listen to music. She sat and watched as Haven and Everett wrestled on the floor and laughed at them. She scolded Everett for taking off Havens sock. She hugged and kissed them. For the first time ever I felt like she really saw Haven, really a looked at her and beheld her beautiful namesake. She told me over and over she loved me, she kissed me, she said my name, she rubbed my back and Stroked my hand. I knew it wouldn't last forever but after months of extreme behavior it has been the greatest pleasure to sit and love on one another we used to. 

I don't know what to hope for except for peace. Alzheimer's I hate you. I hate you for how you continue to rob us of the special moments we deserve. I hate you!